Aaron & Jackson: Reversal
by Dayne Dinning
Summary: Aaron & Jackson, reversed from October 6th 2010, from the events of the train crash. Features other characters aswell.
1. October 6th 2010

"October 6th 2010"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic starts on October 6th 2010 from the ED episode aired on that date; this chapter begins from when Aaron and Jackson are in the van.

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters used.

-OCTOBER 6TH 2010-

The road was long and dark with only the headlights from Jacksons van revealing the road ahead. The atmosphere inside was tense, tempers had flared and they were nowhere near simmering. Jackson shot a look at Aaron. "Why the hell are you driving my van?" this was something Jackson had acknowledged but hadn't mentioned.

Aaron shot a look back at him with a scowled expression. "Because you've had a drink" he stated simply.

Jackson sighed. "Yeah so have you Aaron"

Aaron nodded with a long sigh. "Not as much as you Jackson. Look why don't you just stop this yeah? I didn't go after him; I let it go like you asked"

"Oh, so punching a wall is letting it go?" Jackson's expression was confused."Look at your hand for god sake, you're an idiot"

"Well" Aaron snapped. "The walls not gunna be bothered" he turned his attention back to the road.

The silence began to eat away at Jackson, he loved Aaron so much, but like most night outs with Aaron they ended badly; it was draining, he'd never met someone as much hard work as Aaron was. But on the other hand he could understand why he was the way he was, but helping him through it all, or at least trying to, was difficult; more difficult than he'd bargained for.

"But we both know we're not sat here like this because of Mickey" Jackson said quietly, breaking the silence.

Aaron raised his eyebrows as he kept his eyes fixed on the road. "Yes it is"

"No Aaron..." Jackson laughed slightly. "It's not...We're here because of you, the way you are...why do you let things get so out of control? Why do you let things eat away at you? And why take it out on me, oh actually no...Yourself?" he asked. "You have to let me in, I've been trying to help you but you don't let me in!"

Something Jackson said whatever it was hit a nerve within him and he instantly slammed his foot on the brakes.

Jackson frowned. "What are you doing?"

"I'M STOPPING THE VAN!" Aaron yelled as he jerked back at the force of the brakes bringing the van to a halt.

Aaron slammed the door as he quickly walked away from the van and Jackson in it. He stopped several metres away, with his hands on his waist, looking up into the dark sky. His eyes filling with tears as he stood there; he heard the passenger door slam shut a few seconds later. Aaron didn't turn around, he could feel him getting closer, his breath and his footsteps became louder the closer he came. Aaron turned to face Jackson; confusion filled his mind when he looked at him standing a few metres in front of him.

"I think I was wrong before when I said this is about you..." Jackson stared at him and took a breath before carrying on. "It's about us...what I said to you, do you remember what I said to you Aaron?"

Aaron scowled at him. "You've said loads of things to me Jackson" he shook his head.

Jackson shook his head and looked away. "That's right just make a joke like you always do, beats talking doesn't it?"

"It would help if I knew what you were on about"

"I said I love you Aaron and I can tell you're disgusted by that"

Aaron frowned. "No...Just because I haven't said it back doesn't mean-..."

"But that's it, it's been a while Aaron, I'm as patient as the next man but I would have hoped you'd have been able to return the sentiment by now"

Aaron shivered from the coldness of the night. He didn't know how to reply, he didn't know how to think. "When I look at you..." Aaron began.

Jackson's whole body stiffened, dreading what might come.

"I'm lost, like...really lost" he sighed, as his lower lip quivered and single tears fell from each eye. "I feel _something_, but I don't know what it is, I've never experienced whatever this is before, and if it IS love..." he shrugged. "I've got nothing to compare it too, so I can't say it back"

Jackson breathed. "If you let me in..."

"What will that do Jackson? Letting people in has never worked for me. I hurt people closest to me, you just have to ask Paddy" he scoffed and looked away. "Even if I do, who's to say I'll suddenly know what that feeling is?"

"You will Aaron..." Jackson stepped closer and reached out to him and took his hand. "When you least expect it you'll realise what it is and I'll be there beside you when you do" Jackson told him with a slight smile.

"I'm not prepared to make you wait for that day"

Jackson's smile quickly vanished. "Just stop with all this Aaron!" he sighed.

"I can't" Aaron shrugged.

"You're making excuses, like you always do! You love me, I see it when you smile, I saw it earlier when you said moody Aaron had gone, I love that you, I love all of you"

Aaron couldn't handle all of this, he felt under pressure, and that was something he didn't like, he didn't know how to put his thoughts into words, but even if he could he knew the words wouldn't please Jackson. He stepped back.

Jackson closed his eyes and tried to remain calm, he knew there was no way he would get Aaron to listen when he was wound up , he knew this was his fault on some level, because he didn't let it go, he should have taken his own advice.

"I see your love too, Jackson...but...I-I...I don't know if I can let you be with me, I'm a mess, I'm eighteen and I've only just come out...come out to myself, I have feelings for you but like I said..." Aaron shrugged and let out a deep breath. "I just can't make sense of them...I can't let you wait for me, it's not fair on you, I think we should..."

"Don't" Jackson sighed. "Save it" the anger and frustration had built up within him all night but had become increasingly worse within the last few seconds. "I was a fool to convince myself you actually gave a damn, I tried with you Aaron, I really did, but you are just unfixable...I'm not doing it anymore...in fact...I wish..." he scrunched his face in disbelief at himself because of what he was about to say. "I wish I'd never met you"

Those words hit Aaron like a ton of bricks in the chest and more tears silently ran down his cheeks and his eye brows burrowed closer together at the realisation of what he'd said. That was it, anger washed over him and he moved, his step became quicker in each second until he stopped at the van, opened the door, jumped in and turned the key and started the engine.

Jackson was stood in the dark; he cursed himself silently as he closed his eyes. _I didn't mean that _that thought was instant as soon as Aaron stormed off and it repeated over and over in his mind as the van sped up quickly towards him. Jackson ran to the van and slammed his hands on the driver side door. "Aaron!" he yelled. But the speed of the van was too fast and it was gone, passed Jackson but he ran after it. "I didn't mean it!" he screamed. "Aaron! I love you!"

Aaron was unaware of the speed he was driving the van at, he was too preoccupied with what Jackson said, and it ran around his head. _What did I expect though really? You were going to end it anyway? _And like what he said to Jackson about not understanding feelings, this was one of those instances, why get angry and drive off when Jackson had only done what Aaron had wanted. Love getting in the way?

His mobile lit up and began ringing on the passenger seat beside him. Aaron glanced at it, seeing Jackson's name flashing up. He looked at it again and reached for it, but ended up knocking it over into the foot well. He checked the road ahead quickly before reaching down to pick it up, as he was almost touching it, the stationary vehicle on the dark road caught his attention, Aaron pulled himself up fully and swerved harshly to avoid it and he did but the van's speed was too much and the direction from the swerve took the vehicle bursting through a fence and through some bushes. Aaron braced himself as he bounced involuntary in his seat. He tried to maintain control but he couldn't and the van cleared the bushes after what seemed like forever but was only a few seconds. It tilted and began to roll several metres before stopping on its side.

Jackson stood frozen, with glassy eyes, tears streaming down his face, his mouth partly opened from the absolute shock and horror of what he knew had happened...He began to run...

Aaron's head was covered in thick streams of blood down his forehead and cheeks. He was conscious and all he could hear was slight cracking sounds around him and the sounds of the van settling after its impact on the side. He winced in pain as he attempted to lift himself up.

When he had lifted himself up onto his elbow, Aaron's eyes widened in terror and that was the last thing he saw.

A goods train sped along the tracks and hit the van head on, smashing into it violently, the metal of the van bellowed with a horrendous screech as it was forced off the tracks and spun quickly into several piles of wood crates which fell onto the van with loud bangs and Aaron lay in a very awkward position as they settled on and around the van...

To Be Continued...


	2. Overcome

"Overcome"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on directly on from _October 6__th__ 2010_

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters used.

Jackson ran.

Ran as fast as his legs would allow him, which was fast. The tarmac of the road just seemed to slide beneath him at the speed he was running. His breath was sharp, quick and loud, not out of tiredness but out of the sheer panic and horror of what he knew or rather guessed had happened to Aaron in the van. It was no coincidence that while he was ringing him, there was a loud crashing sound and noise of commotion in the distance. He needed to be with Aaron, he instantly regretted those words he had said to his boyfriend as soon as they left his mouth. But also accompanied by that regret was the feeling of immense guilt – This was Jackson's fault. Jackson kept that blame circling in his mind constantly.

Gut wrenching pains threatened him with vomit as he ran but he stopped it. He needed to see Aaron, see if he was okay but as he ran it seemed like he wasn't going anywhere. Until a few minutes later when he reached the stationary vehicle which Aaron had swerved to avoid just minutes earlier. Jackson stopped and looked around, it was quite hard to see in the dark but he saw the gap in the fence and a pretty much clear trail through the bushes. He began running again, each step becoming quicker and quicker. His eyes widened when he ran out of the bush area and the realisation of where he was sent shivers and sheer dread throughout his body.

The large stones clicked against one another as Jackson ran over them, all he could see was his van, and that was his target, nothing else mattered. He suddenly felt a hand grab him but he pulled away. "Get off! " Jackson screamed at the top of his voice as he ran away from the person, he didn't see who it was, he didn't even see if it was a man or woman who tried to pull him back.

Jackson slowed himself down as he reached the van, he grabbed a crate that was in his way and pulled it toward him quickly and in an effortless lift he threw it away from the van...and another until he could get close enough to climb a few of them so he could see Aaron.

When he did, he'd wished he hadn't. He instantly covered his mouth at the sight of him. The blood, the awkward position in which his head rested. Jackson cry was more like a shriek, it hurt so badly and the guilt and blame started again, the tears filled his eyes and he cried so hard he almost lost his breath a few times. "I'm so sorry..." Jackson cried. "I never meant it Aaron..." Jackson was beside himself, he shook his head frantically as he spoke. He never meant it. He tried to calm himself but he was overcome. The few deep breaths he'd managed to take calmed the hysteria but the panic and sadness was still evidently there. He knew not to move him. As he stared down at him through teary eyes he began to speak to him. "I love you so much Aaron, I never meant what I said to you" he breathed and wiped his eyes. "You're the best thing that has ever happened to me, Aaron. Meeting you started something special..." he dropped his head into his hands and cried, and he heard sirens in the distance. He looked up, then back at Aaron. "You're going to be alright Aaron, just hang in there..." he took a breath. "I'm with you it's alright...I love you..." Jackson dropped his head in his hands again and sobbed until he felt strong, big hands pulling him away from the van. He turned and saw a very much older man in a high visibility jacket – a fireman.

"It's alright son, we'll get him out..." The fireman spoke to him softly and Jackson nodded as he was passed over to a paramedic. He guessed it was procedure but he frowned anyway.

"I'm not hurt, just leave me be..." he placed his hand up and stepped back a few metres and stood alone as he reached for his phone. How could he tell Chas what had just happened to her son? Somehow he'd find the strength and the words to explain.

Jackson's feet stomped heavily on the floor of the corridor outside resus; his hands were clasped together and held tightly to his mouth, as if glued. The tears fell continuously down his cheeks.

Hazel watched her son; she'd never seen him like that before. He was broken or at least half way to being broken, the outcome of whether he would fully break would be down to Aaron and if he came back to him. She stepped forward and took his arm in her hand and gripped it with enough tightness to grab his attention and stop him from pacing. "Jackson, he'll be okay" she soothed.

Jackson shook his head as he cried. "How do you know mum?" he snapped. "This is bad, really bad, a train hit him for god sake!" he sobbed and lowered his head, and with all the emotion he fell back to the wall and slid down it with his head in his hands. "He's gunna die" Jackson sobbed.

Hazel frowned and shook her head. "He won't"

"Please don't let him die mum" Jackson pleaded as he looked up to her as he cried.

Tears fell from Hazel's eyes as she knelt down to him and took him in her arms.

The double doors further down the corridor swung open harshly and hit the walls on either side and hard, loud clicks from shoes could be heard. Hazel turned and saw Chas rushing towards them with a panicked expression, closely followed by Paddy. Chas' tears were close to falling. Hazel instinctively moved herself in Chas' path in front of Jackson, she knew what she could be like and she didn't want Jackson to endure her brutality. Not then and not there.

"I got your message, kinda...something about a crash?" Chas asked Hazel, and then looked at Paddy; he was as confused as she was. In the end, Jackson couldn't tell Chas, he called his mum first.

Hazel nodded. "Y-yeah...from what I've been told the boys had a bit of an argument..."

"What's new?" Chas said with a raised eyebrow.

"Jackson was a bit drunk and Aaron was driving" Hazel sighed. "...He stopped the van, and apparently got out and talked which didn't end well, Aaron drove off and left him and that's when the accident happened..." she explained it all to the best of her knowledge.

Chas' attention was quickly diverted when a doctor in blue overalls came around a corner and she rushed to him. "My son? Aaron, what's happened? Is he okay? Can I see him?" she asked as the tears fell from her eyes.

The doctor placed his hands out, palms facing Chas. "Your son has endured extreme trauma to his spinal cord from the impact of the train...-" the doctor was cut off.

"TRAIN?" Chas shot a look to Jackson, who had remained quiet and was sat not looking at anyone. Then she looked at Hazel.

"I WAS about to explain Chas..." Hazel said with a sigh and lowered her head and walked and sat by her son.

"He is stable for the moment but the next forty eight hours are crucial" the doctor carried on. "You can see him but I'm afraid I have to limit it to one person at a time."

Chas nodded as the doctor began walking back the way he came. She turned to Jackson who was now looking up. "You better hope he's alright!" she warned him as she pointed a finger at him.

The doctor closed the door behind Chas and left her in the room where Aaron lay, she had spent a few minutes being told about the equipment on and around Aaron and not to be too shocked by it. But that advice quickly disappeared from her memory and she covered her mouth as she slowly stepped over to her son. His head was in a metal apparatus, with an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, tubes and wires were attached in several places over his chest. She stood at his side and held his hand. "Oh love...what you done now eh?" she whispered. "You're gunna be alright, you know why?" she told him, but as she said that, her mind outweighed what she had just said, she wanted so hard to believe he would be fine but deep down, even just looking at the head brace, she knew he'd be far from okay. "Because you're a fighter, and we need you around, we love you so much, so you need to wake up alright?" her voice was shaky and it worsened with each word she spoke, she lifted his hand up and kissed it softly with closed eyes.

To Be Continued...


	3. A Life So Changed

"A Life So Changed"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on directly on from _Overcome_

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters used.

Aaron's eyes slowly flickered open and as they did, he took a quick panicked intake of breath, what he felt seemed other worldly. He tried to move his head but he couldn't. But he moved his eyes slowly; side to side. He saw the dark blue colour of the room he was in, the medical equipment, he heard the constant beep of one the machines every two seconds which was already doing his head in. It seemed so loud. Then his vision found the metal bars which were positioned over his forehead. It then dawned on him why he couldn't move it seconds earlier. His breathing became fast, the situation he was in intensified and he began to panic. What had happened? It repeated over and over in his mind. His breath was sharp fast and he began to groan, he couldn't move. Why couldn't he move? His frustrations and panic became audible and it got louder and louder.

Jackson had heard Aaron from outside in the corridor and quickly rushed in to calm him down. He ran to the bedside and held his hand. "Aaron..." he sighed; relieved that he was awake finally. "...It's alright you've been in an accident, but you're gunna be fine, the brace is just to make sure you don't damage anything..." Jackson smiled slightly, happy to see him awake.

For Aaron Jackson's support and his presence their meant nothing to him; He scowled. "Get out!" he spat viciously.

Jackson sighed. "Aaron please!"

"I said! Get out!" he almost screamed.

"He wants you to leave, I suggest you do as he says" her voice hit Jackson sharply, partly due to the fact he didn't realise Chas was there and also because he knew she would want words with him at some point.

Jackson turned to her. "I just want to be here for him." He told her.

Chas frowned. "Oh like you were when you let him drive off?"

"That's not fair!" Jackson walked closer to her. "You don't know what happened, so you have no right to say anything about it"

"I have 'every' right Jackson, he's my son!" her face scrunched as she fought to keep her tears in. "Look at him" her voice went high as she said those words and she took a breath and put her hand to her mouth briefly. "You did this!" she said angrily as she looked directly into his eyes.

Jackson let out a breath as the tears fell from his eyes; he stepped forward and shook his head slowly as he walked past her.

"Mum...let him go"

"He is love, it's alright..." she said as she kept her eye on him until he'd gone. Her back straightened from the unexpected loud slam of the door from Jackson leaving.

Hazel shot up from her chair which was lined up along the corridor wall with several other chairs. Jackson had darted past her and by now, aswell as Paddy; Cain and Charity had arrived, concerned and in the dark as to what had happened. She followed Jackson as quick as she could but he was younger and fitter than she was. "Jackson!" she ended up calling to him and he stopped and turned and faced his mother and dropped his hands down at his waists.

"What?" he asked with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Where are you going?" she asked with a concerned expression.

"I don't know" Jackson simply replied.

"Aaron needs you love"

Jackson flippantly shook his head. "No he doesn't" Jackson waved his arm and pointed down to Paddy, Charity and Cain. "He's got them...you and Chas...So you can get on with it..."

Hazel sighed. "It might not seem like it now Jackson but he does, you need to look past all this and stay here"

Jackson pouted his lips and motioned them side to side as he thought, it was pretence because he didn't really need to think, it was pure sarcasm. "No, I'm going" and he turned and started walking away again.

"Where?" Hazel sighed.

Jackson didn't answer.

Hazel turned on her heel and saw Charity walking slowly to her. "He'll be okay Hazel, he just needs time to think and by the looks of it he hasn't slept all night and neither have you" she rubbed Hazel's arm softly. "Go home and get some rest, Aaron's woken up now so that's a good sign at least"

Hazel partly smiled and nodded. "You're right...see you later"

"Yeah...see ya" she smiled.

"How you feeling love?" Chas was sat on a stool next to the bed by Aaron's head holding his hand.

"Well..." he managed a cheeky smirk. "I'm not" his serious look returned.

Chas frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I can't feel anything" he sighed.

"It's probably the medication son" she smiled.

Aaron nodded.

"Now it's just me and you I need to know what happened kid...please?" she asked him. "It doesn't have to be all the little details just the basics"

Aaron moved his eyes to the side slightly to look at her. "I left bar west for a smoke and I saw Mickey, I wanted to confront him but Jackson came out, and we started arguing, going on at me about how I' am and stuff...Anyway he stormed off to the van but I wouldn't let him drive, I made him get in the passenger seat, I'd had a drink but I was ok"

Chas nodded as she listened.

"I was driving home and we argued in the van, I got frustrated and stopped and got out and we talked, well more like argued..." Aaron stopped and closed his eyes. "It just went from bad to worse mum, he said he wished he'd never met me and I lost it, I got back in the van and drove off and left him, he was ringing my phone and I reached to get it, but I knocked it onto the floor, I was about to reach it when I saw a van or lorry...I-I can't remember but I swerved and lost control and went speeding onto the train track...and then well you know the rest...I couldn't get out..." tears slid down the side of his face.

Chas was also silently crying as she listened and she raised her hand and wiped his tears away.

"It was too fast" he breathed and let the tears out.

Chas cleared her throat. "Let it out son" she told him softly as the door to the room opened and she turned and saw the doctor, with a very neutral look on his face, she didn't know why he was there and whether it was good or bad.

"Miss Dingle, can I talk to you...outside please?" he asked.

Chas nodded and got up out of the stool. "I won't be long love."

Paddy stood in front of Chas but to her side. Both of them looked intently at the doctor. "W-What's this about?" he asked.

The doctor seemed hesitant. "We have the bulk of the test results we've ran on Aaron since he arrived here and I think you should take a seat"

Chas shook her head. "No, I'm not sitting down" She looked at Paddy; her panic began to start again.

Paddy shook his head too and looked back at the doctor.

"Alright...the results show that Aaron's spine has suffered more damage than we thought, his cervical region has undergone extreme trauma and the result of this has caused him to lose all muscle strength from the neck down"

Chas frowned and shook her head in denial. "Nooo, that can't be right"

Cain got up and walked over to them. "What's going on sis?"

"No, do your tests again, they have to be wrong" Chas began to cry.

The doctor's expression was full of sympathy for Aaron's family. "Believe me, we've double checked, and checked again, the tests are correct, this is permanent Miss Dingle, there is no cure for an injury as serious as the one your son has endured, I'm so sorry, I'll be back to check in on him later"

Chas reached out and touched Paddy's chest and grabbed his jacket slightly as she lost her breath for a good few seconds and her knees way and she fell to the floor and sat and cried, holding her head in her hands.

To Be Continued...


	4. Everybody Hurts

"Everybody Hurts"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on directly on from _A Life So Changed_

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters used.

Jackson sat in Aaron's bedroom at Paddy's; he slept there, or at least tried too. His eyes were red and bloodshot from the tears he'd shed over the past forty eight hours. The sun was rising and lighting up the bedroom brightly, causing him to squint. He heard Paddy moving around downstairs, he'd heard him moving around all night too. Everyone was unsettled and this would be the routine for a while he guessed. Jackson had his phone gripped in his hand and was staring down at the picture he'd taken of him and Aaron in bar west, the night of the accident. A tear dropped onto the screen and he breathed in slowly as he sobbed but he tried to calm himself. He wiped his eyes and got up off Aaron's bed and left the bedroom.

Chas was sat on the sofa in Carl's with a blanket over her. She was motionless just staring into space.

Carl was rummaging around in the kitchen making coffee, he hadn't slept much either, he'd sat up with her all night, he didn't know what to say to her, all he could do was hold her and he did. He picked up the mug of coffee and walked into the living room and sat down next to her and placed her coffee on the coffee table.

Chas looked at him and smiled slightly. Then let out a breath. "What am I gunna do now Carl?" she asked as she reached for the coffee and held it in both hands as she sat back again.

Carl shook his head. "Be his mum..." he placed his arm around her and pulled her closer to him and kissed her forehead.

She nodded her head positively.

"Its gunna be hard, you know that, but don't let it defeat you...I might not have liked the kid but I wouldn't wish this on anyone, you've got me, Paddy, everyone will help probably if you asked"

Chas smiled and nodded. "I know...I better get freshened up" she started to move to the edge of the sofa.

"Will you need a lift to the hospital?" Carl asked.

"Err...yeah please...Paddy said he'd go early..."

Carl nodded and both of them looked at each other apprehensively.

Paddy sighed and rested his forehead against the door to Aaron's room as he placed his hand around the door handle ready to enter. He closed his eyes and shook his head. Chas and Paddy had spoken for a good few hours when they left to go home and get some rest. Things had been decided and this was one of them, Paddy was not looking forward to doing this. He took a breath and opened the door...

Aaron was sitting up in bed slightly, his head brace had been removed and he had two small marks on either side of his forehead from it. He was half asleep when he heard the door click open. His eyes opened quickly and he saw Paddy. "Alright?" he asked.

Paddy walked slowly over to him and smiled slightly. "Hmmm..." he mumbled. "Yeah not bad" he said as he sat beside him. "Did you get much sleep?"

Aaron shook his head. "Nah...Well a few hours made up of ten minutes here and there" he smirked.

"I know the feeling"

Aaron sighed. "How long do you think I'll be in here for Paddy?" he asked.

Paddy shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not sure mate, you've had a really bad accident...you've scared us all to death" he watched him.

Aaron nodded. "I'm sorry"

"No, no I didn't say it for-"

Aaron chuckled slightly. "Paddy shhh, I know...I just wish I could stop hurting everyone around me, why do I Paddy?"

"You're young Aaron, you make mistakes, but this, this was an accident, it's no one's fault" Paddy told him, his words were only a form of comfort, Aaron and Jackson were both to blame if it came down to it, but it wasn't his place, he thought to even say that.

Aaron gave him a deep look, tempted to say what was on his mind but refrained. "You're here early aren't ya?" he asked, changing the subject.

Paddy nodded. "Yeah, thought I'd spend some time with you before the others get here, your mum will be here soon"

Aaron sighed.

"Hey, don't be like that Aaron, she's your mum whether you like it or not, she goes through hell with you and you know it, stop being so mardy"

Aaron nodded. "Sorry"

Paddy sighed and nodded.

Aaron rested his head back on the pillow. "I can't wait until I can get up and walk around, this room is depressing"

"Ahh...yeah about that" Paddy told him as he lowered his head.

Aaron turned his head and looked at him with a frown. "What?"

Paddy sighed and looked up at him. "I have to tell you something Aaron..."

His expression blank, and not even a single tear fell from his eyes. He was stunned to complete silence; the walls around him seemed to close in on him. Aaron's remote look when he was told the news didn't surprise Paddy, he knew Aaron. But he had to make sure Aaron understood the severity of what had happened to him.

Paddy stayed with him a while after he'd told him, the atmosphere as Paddy expected thickened. But he was there for him, like always, like they all would be.

"Paddy..." Aaron broke the intense silence.

"Yeah mate?"

"Get Jackson for me"

Paddy smiled, he'd waited for him to mention Jackson in some way and he got up. "I'll go give him a call"

Aaron nodded. "Cheers"

Jackson was sat on the steps at the cricket pavilion, he'd again been staring at the picture of him and Aaron from bar west, they were so happy, he hadn't saw Chas approaching until he could see a pair of feet before him. He looked up and Chas sighed. "What you doing Jackson?" Chas asked softly.

Jackson shrugged.

"I gathered..." she sighed as she sat beside him. She looked and saw the picture he was looking at. "That's a really good photo" she said as she moved her curly black hair out the way of her eyes.

"Yeah, we were happy" Jackson replied. "Look Chas, no offense but I need to be alone right now"

"Tough" Chas cleared her throat. "You need to man up and realise that this is not about you"

"Excuse me?" Jackson shot a look at her. "You've been waiting for this so just get it over with, I know this is my fault, and I'm paying for that right now!" he raised his voice.

"No...Jackson you're not paying for it" her eyes glazed. "Aaron is" She wiped away the tears before they could fall.

Jackson frowned. "What do you mean?"

Chas stayed silent.

"Chas! What do you mean?" he asked again.

Chas shook her head and her voice was shaky. "I don't know if I can say it" she took a breath and tried again, Jackson did need to know. "He suffered a lot of damage from the impact...uhh...he's p-p" Chas frowned and her expression on her face showed how painful this was.

Jackson's heart felt like it had stopped, he knew this was going to be bad and he waited silently.

"Paralysed...something called Tetraplegia...he's lost all feeling and movement from the neck down..."

His body caved and shivers overwhelmed his entire body and an immense heat washed over him, Jackson covered his mouth with his hands and shook his head. "No...no" he refused to believe it.

Chas nodded as she cried.

"No, it can't be..." Jackson began to cry. "No..." he became frustrated and he got up and walked down the steps quickly.

Chas sniffed and wiped her eyes and quickly got up and ran after him, she grabbed a hold of his arm seconds later and pulled him towards her and Jackson spun around and Chas wrapped her arms around him and they cried together. "It's true Jackson" she told him again. Jackson let out a loud shrieking cry a lot like the one he'd let out when he'd found Aaron in the van.

"He's asked for you, what happened has happened, there's nothing we can do about it now" she pushed him away from her but held onto his shoulders. "It doesn't matter about blame, or how, what or why, this is just the way it is and we all need to pull together now..." she took a breath. "Do you love him?" she asked.

"Yes" Jackson nodded as he calmed himself.

"Go and see him Jackson" she nodded.

Jackson nodded and turned away slowly and began walking but he stopped after a few steps and turned to her again with tear filled eyes. "Chas..."

"Yes love" Chas breathed as she wiped her eyes.

"I' am so so sorry" his lower lip quivered as he spoke.

Chas nodded. "Go on love"

Jackson turned and walked along the grass, leaving Chas alone at the pavilion. He knew he loved Aaron so much, but where they'd go from here was unknown.

To Be Continued...


	5. The Visit

"The Visit"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on directly on from _Everybody Hurts_

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters used.

Jackson walked along the corridor to Aaron's room, he found himself feeling nervous, and he didn't know what he was expecting. Yes Aaron had asked for him but he could just want him there so he could shout at him again – he wouldn't blame him in the slightest though. He approached the door and without hesitation he knocked, seconds later he heard Aaron's voice call him in. Jackson smiled a little. He loved Aaron's voice, so sexy.

Aaron looked over to the door as it opened. "Hi" he said softly with a slight smile.

Jackson's emotions sparked again as he walked to him. "Hi" he replied.

"Don't cry Jackson" Aaron told him.

Jackson sat down next to him and took his hand and lifted it up and kissed it. "How can I not? Look at you"

Aaron watched him lift his hand; there was no feeling, no physical reaction to his lips touching him, just...nothing. He forced the emotions in which that experience stirred up to the back of his mind. "I'm alright" he told him.

Jackson just sadly looked at him. He knew he wasn't, but he wasn't going to tell him that, he didn't want to fight. "I'm so sorry; I never meant what I said to you Aaron..." Jackson sighed and looked up to the ceiling briefly. He realised how that sounded to himself. He shook his head. "I've ruined your life Aaron, if I didn't mean it, I shouldn't have said it then you wouldn't have driven off"

Aaron shook his head. "It doesn't matter; you didn't know I was going to drive off..."

"But I know you well enough"

"It doesn't matter Jackson, you didn't know what was going to happen, neither did I...calling me, saying that...it doesn't matter"

"How can you say that?" Jackson asked.

"Because it doesn't...No I can't feel anything except this empty head of mine but I'm alive and I can talk, I can hear your voice, I can see your amazing eyes" Aaron looked down and took a deep breath. He was not going to get upset. He looked back up at his boyfriend seconds later. "What kills me is that I'll never be able to touch you again..."

"I know...But I can touch you Aaron..." Jackson reached out and placed his hand on Aaron's face.

Aaron embraced it with closed eyes but moved away a few seconds later.

"I love you so much Aaron" Jackson said as he looked into Aaron's blue eyes.

Aaron smiled. "I love you too and I'm sorry for what I've put you through since we met and what I'm going to put you through...if..."

Jackson frowned "If what?"

"Well I've been thinking and this isn't going to be any kind of life for either of us, and you need to know how hard this will be and if you can deal with that, great but if you can't then...I'd rather end it now and let you live your life" Aaron explained.

"Are you being serious? I'm not leaving your side, not when you need me the most, I said I loved you all those weeks ago and I've meant it ever since, I want you Aaron"

Aaron didn't reply but he nodded. _How can he want me? Wants there to have? _He thought to himself.

Jackson rested his elbow on the edge of the bed and rested his head against his hand and looked up at Aaron. "You're taking this too well..." he said as he squinted, a little as he thought.

"Well there's no point in getting angry is there? No point in crying...No point in anything because getting all worked up isn't going to fix the bones in my neck and spine then miraculously cure me is it?" he answered.

Jackson shook his head. "I guess not" The room fell silent for a good five minutes before Jackson spoke again. "If I could trade places with you Aaron, I'd do it in a heartbeat, I mean that, this is hurting me so much to see you like this, I know you probably rather I didn't go on like this but I can't help it, and no matter what you say, what I said matters and I'm responsible for this, I don't think I'll ever forgive myself"

"You have too Jackson, otherwise this won't work"

"You can't ask that of me...Maybe in time I'll learn to live with it but the guilt..." he shook his head. "Nah...This is never going away"

"Try not to think about it" Aaron replied rather bluntly.

Jackson frowned. "Is that what you're doing? Not thinking about it?" Jackson asked.

"Pretty much" Aaron said with a sigh.

"That's not a good idea Aaron" Jackson gently suggested.

"It's working for me, no lectures please..."

"Alright...I'm sorry" Jackson apologised.

"it's fine..." Aaron said as the door opened and his mum walked in.

"Alright love?" Chas asked, trying to be normal.

"Why couldn't you tell me?" Aaron asked straight away.

"Because I was a mess son and I couldn't, I'm sorry, I hope you understand?"

Aaron nodded.

"At least it was someone you knew who told you though right? Better than some stranger doctor"

"Yeah I guess... you're right" Aaron agreed. "What's in the bag?" he asked.

"Well..." Chas opened it and looked inside and took out some grapes and magazines. "The grapes are off Cain..." she frowned and Jackson chuckled. "And I bought you some magazines..." she suddenly felt awkward. "...Me and Jackson can take turns holding them for you" she sighed. How stupid did that sound?

"Are you serious?" Aaron glared at her.

Chas sighed and placed the magazines on the unit at the side. "I'm sorry love, I know this is hard for you aswell, trying to adjust but it's the same for me too and sometimes I'll come out with the wrong things and I'll do the wrong things...it's just a matter of time that's all"

Aaron didn't reply.

"Chas can I have a word?" Jackson asked as he stood up. He leaned down to Aaron and kissed his forehead. "I won't be long" he told him and started walking to the door and out into the corridor.

Chas followed and closed the door behind her. "What's up?" she asked.

"Don't you think this is weird? He's coping..."

"Yeah...I thought about that a few times...it doesn't seem natural for Aaron" she told him.

"Exactly, I feel as though I'm waiting for the storm..." Jackson told her as he stood with folded arms.

"That's because we are. He hasn't even begun to allow himself to take all this in, all that in there, what we've seen from him so far...it isn't real...Aaron thinks it is and that's the way it'll stay until he does." Chas raised her eyebrows and slowly walked past him back to the door.

To Be Continued...


	6. Demons

"Demons"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows **ONE MONTH** on from _The Visit_

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters used. They belong to ITV

The warm wet sponge slid over Aaron's bare chest, his expression was blank, and anyone who saw him would be able to tell straight away that this young man was withdrawn, completely within himself. Even when he forced himself to perk up when he had visitors it was still there, as raw as the day he was told the news he would never walk or feel anything ever again.

The nurse smiled down at him as she placed the sponge into the dish and renewed it with more soapy water. She turned and smiled back at Aaron and touched his hand and raised his arm and began to clean his underarm. "Not long till Christmas Aaron, you looking forward to it?" she asked softly within the deathly silent room.

Aaron's right eyebrow flinched slightly in reaction before he began to speak. "Can't say I've really thought about it" he said with an exasperated sigh.

The nurse nodded in realisation to what she had asked. _That was a bit stupid _she thought. "My kids are looking forward to it; all they can go on about...We're hoping you can go home by then that should be nice for you"

"Really? To sit and nod my head and smile as if I'm enjoying it? I never really had much of a Christmas every year when I was a kid so what's going to make this one so special?" he scowled.

Saved by the bell; the door clicked open and the nurse turned and looked. Jackson smiled in greeting; the nurse raised her eyebrows and motioned her head ever so slightly back towards Aaron.

Jackson nodded slightly. _Ahhh _he thought _One of 'those' days I gather _he thought some more. But he understood, he knew from the outset there would be days like this. He loved Aaron enough and would stick by him no matter what. He stopped when the nurse walked up to him. "Hows things?" he asked.

"Yeah...the usual but we know it's going to take a long time" she explained.

Jackson nodded. "Hey I tell you what why don't you take a break and I can finish this" he suggested to which Aaron sighed and dropped his head back on the pillow in the background.

"Are you sure?" the nurse asked.

"Yeah totally, I remember what you told me and besides it can't be that hard can it?"

"Well I've never experienced anyone like Mr Livesy..." she smirked and patted him on the shoulder as she began to walk to the door.

Jackson walked over to Aaron and kissed him softly on his forehead. "You been giving the nurse grief again?" he asked with a smirk.

"Nope..." he sighed. "I heard what you said to the nurse, so if you're gunna finish this bed bath get on with it" his tone was sharp and brutal.

"Alright alright...I will" Jackson cupped his hand on Aaron's cheek but he pulled away almost instantly.

Jackson rinsed the sponge and began to finish the already started job – in complete silence. The silence was hard to deal with at any time. It put a strain on the people closest to Aaron, it made the situation worse but they knew trying to confront Aaron would exacerbate the situation further.

Jackson remembered his talk he had with Chas a month ago when they referred to the storm. That still hadn't come yet and for Aaron's sake they wanted it to happen so badly, so he could begin to grieve and accept this major change in his life.

Chas walked into the garage and found Cain standing putting the cash box in the safe and locking it. He reached for his jacket and turned around as he began to put it on. He jumped slightly. "Jesus sis..."

"Sorry..." she smiled. "You going to see Aaron?"

Cain nodded. "Yeah just on my way there now, why?" he asked.

"No reason" she shook her head. "Just wondered...actually, no" she took a breath and spoke. "...Cain you've been really absent lately...he needs you"

Cain sighed and looked away, his expression seemed strained. "I know...I just don't like seeing him like that, it's so difficult walking in that room"

"I know and no one does" she replied quietly. "But what's done is done, we have to accept that"

"Who says? I can't and you don't have to be strong in front of me you know..."

"I do" Chas nodded defiantly. Then as if her breath had been taken she struggled and her lips quivered. "Because if I don't then I'll just cry" she breathed.

Cain felt for her and moved closer but she backed away and held out her hand and shook her head. "No...Don't..." she smiled faintly. "Just make sure you see him yeah" she said as she wiped her tears before walking away.

Cain dropped his arms down beside him and watched her leave.

Jackson had left the room to get a drink and some fresh air outside the hospital. Aaron was sitting up in bed and was grateful for some alone time, but his thoughts never strayed from negative, they always were and the more he thought the more he became agitated, upset and angry. He turned his head and noticed the safety bar was down on the side of the bed where Jackson needed to get into to bathe Aaron. His mind was working overtime at this point and the anger raged deep within him and with one harsh movement of his head his body followed swiftly and Aaron fell hard onto the floor, his left shoulder taking the brunt of the fall. He just lay there staring into space with no reaction whatsoever.

To Be Continued...


	7. All Fired Up

"All Fired Up"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows **directly** on from _Demons_

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters used. They belong to ITV

This was it; this was the way it would be now - His life. That was all Aaron thought as he lay there on his side on the cold floor of his hospital room, staring at nothing in particular. It wasn't normal to fall off a bed and feel nothing. The urge to explode and let out the long awaited tears was strong but he felt numb and they wouldn't fall, he felt as though he couldn't let them, he would be seen as weak; well that's what he thought people would think. He couldn't have been more wrong.

He heard the door open and he closed his eyes, he didn't want anyone near him, he didn't want help, he didn't want a single ounce of sympathy from anyone – in his own eyes he didn't deserve it.

Cain was horrified when he saw Aaron out of bed, lying on the floor and he rushed to him and fell to his knees by Aaron's side. "What happened? You alright mate?" his tone was panicked.

Aaron was despondent for a few seconds until he finally snapped out of his own thoughts and spoke to Cain. "I dunno...am I?" he frowned.

Cain sighed. "Why do you do that? Hmm?"

"Well you shouldn't ask so stupid questions then!" Aaron snapped.

Cain looked away then back at him. "What happened?"

"I fell out of bed, it's kinda obvious really" he told him matter of factly

"Don't get smart with me"

"I'm not, I just answered your question" Aaron told him as Cain began moving to get his arms underneath Aaron to lift him back up. "I don't need your help!" Aaron shouted from out of nowhere and shook his head violently as his only way of protest.

"You do mate, stop it!" Cain urged. But he struggled. So did Aaron. "Stop!" Cain yelled again.

Aaron grunted angrily as he was being lifted back onto his bed. "I didn't want your help!" he spat.

"I'm gunna ignore that, this time Aaron, you've gotta stop this"

"Stop what? What would you know? You hardly visit...what's this?" Aaron thought. "The first visit in three weeks? I know I'm nothing more to you than staff so why don't you go and do one"

"You know you're more than that Aaron" Cain told him defensively, he was doing everything he could to stop himself from taking Aaron's words to heart. "You're family and a good lad, you have everyone supporting you, and you may find this difficult to believe but it's hard for the rest of us too you know, I hate walking through that door..."

"Don't then"

Cain sighed, ignoring him once again. "That's why I haven't been very good lately; we're all adjusting Aaron..."

Aaron rested his head back on the pillow in disbelief. "Are you having a laugh? Adjusting?"

"Yeah, this isn't just about you, your mum is in bits, Paddy too, and Jackson, he's here at the crack of dawn every single day to be treated like crap by you, I commend him, he's a bigger man than I am...I dunno how I'd cope with a misery like you" Cain was aggressive but it's what Aaron needed. Truth hurts sometimes and the best way is to be cruel to be kind on some occasions at least.

Aaron took a deep breath, his words hit a nerve and a pang of sadness washed over him but he kept it where it was meant to be; locked away inside.

The door opened again and Jackson walked in, immediately sensing a thunderous atmosphere. He frowned. "Everything alright?"

"Oh look who it is! Speak of the devil!" Aaron bellowed with a sharp hatred in his voice.

Jackson's frown deepened. "What's going on?"

"He's on one, I found him lying on the floor, he didn't want help but I lifted him back up anyway" Cain explained as Jackson's eyes widened.

"Oh god...I left the bars down...I'm sorry..."

Cain shook it off. "I wouldn't worry, under the circumstances you'd assume he wouldn't fall out, only an idiot would force himself too"

Jackson's frown turned to a glare in Aaron's direction as he stepped closer to the bed. "Did you fall on purpose?" he asked.

Aaron turned his head away and nodded slightly.

"Why?" Jackson's question was crisp and clear. "Cain can you give us a minute please"

Cain nodded and walked out slowly, looking back at Aaron again before closing the door.

Aaron shrugged.

"You're an idiot do you know that, you might not feel it Aaron, but you could have hurt yourself"

"Oh change the record, it's not like it's a thirty foot drop Jesus..."

Jackson slammed his hands down on the metal bars around the bed in frustration then he stopped and took in a deep breath and calmed himself.

"No go on...get it all off your chest Jackson...I'm not going anywhere"

"No..." he almost mumbled in reply as he shook his head. "I just want to know what's going on in that head of yours"

"I don't think you wanna hear what I have to say" Aaron replied, his tone also a warning.

"I do" Jackson nodded as he lowered his head and looked to the floor.

"You do?" Aaron looked surprised. "Okay then...I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm frustrated, but I'm empty, I'm nothing...just like a blank sheet of paper really..." The tears he'd forced himself to keep locked away steadily flowed out from his eyes and ran down his cheeks and his speech became erratic with each stuttered intake of breath as he cried. "Every day I wake up, all I've got to look forward to is seeing these FUCKING blue walls! And a bed bath! Do you have ANY IDEA how embarrassing that is for me! That's my life! I can't do anything, I can't touch anything, I can't feel, I can't move! I can't experience anything!" Aaron shouted at the top of his voice bitterly.

Jackson remained with his eyes looking down at the floor with glassy red teary eyes. He watched each tear as they fell and hit the floor. "It'll get better Aaron" Jackson's tone was sombre.

Aaron laughed. "Yeah really? Well you know what, I wish that train just killed me, it would have saved a lot of trouble, pain and heartache and made the world a better place if I was just gone!"

Jackson lifted his head quickly and looked at him and walked closer to him. "You don't mean what you're saying Aaron, this is just the beginning of it all sinking in for you and you're hitting rock bottom but I'm here to help you, everyone is"

Aaron had never looked so nastily at Jackson before in the entire time they had known each other. "You have no idea how much I'd love to punch you - again...but I'd do a better job than the last time!"

Jackson froze, and he stood staring down at him, his eyes not looking at anything in particular.

"I HATE you Jackson, and I blame you, you've ruined my life!" Aaron cried so hard his words were just audible. He lowered his head, distraught and broken. "I think you should leave and don't bother coming back"

"You don't mean it Aaron" Jackson was blank, everything around him slowed and intense waves of heat washed over him as floods of tears escaped him.

"I do Jackson, all my life is now comes down to me feeling like I'm trapped, suffocating...It's like I'm invisible and in my dreams I reach out to touch you but I wake up and my arms don't move..." Aaron broke down again and his crying intensified. "It doesn't move, I try but it doesn't do it and it's your fault...I think..." he let out a shaky breath. "I think its best you weren't a part of my life anymore...trust me; It'll save you anymore heartache"

"You're wrong...again!"

"No Jackson I'm not...I want you to get out now! I mean it, we're done! Get out! And when you go out there you can tell whoever is out there that I don't want any visitors anymore, close or slam the door on your way out, i don't really care" Aaron spat, and allowed himself to relax and sink his head into the pillow as he turned it away from Jackson.

Jackson left slowly, shell shocked and stunned to his core. Aaron's words were clear and because of his own guilt he was fine with Aaron blaming him but it still hurt. He closed the door to the room quietly, Cain was sat down, he'd been listening and held his hand up to his forehead and a very worried nurse stood ready to walk in. "He doesn't want any more visitors..." Jackson wiped his eyes and started walking away.

"Good job I'm not a visitor, I'll try talking to him"

"Oh what's the point hmm?"

"Jackson? You of all people can't give up on him" Cain told him.

"You heard what he said in there, I'm done Cain, I can't help someone who doesn't wanna be helped" Jackson's shoulders slumped and he turned and carried on walking.

Cain frowned and got up. "Hey no! You're not walking out on him Jackson" Cain rushed over to him and grabbed both of his shoulders tightly to stop him and he turned around.

"Ahh mate don't cry..." Cain told him. "I'm no good with all this" he was honest but pulled him into a hug anyway. "You know what Aaron's like"

Jackson pulled away and looked at Cain. "yeah I do, but I can't ignore that outburst, I know I promised myself and him I'd be there but I can't I need some time away and he wants that so that's what I'm going to do, call me what you like...I'm past caring mate" he looked at him thoughtfully and walked away.

To Be Continued...


	8. Intervention

"Intervention"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on from _All__Fired__Up_

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters used. They belong to ITV.

There was no one home at Dale head when he arrived; Jackson was way beyond consolable; he guessed his mum was working at the cafe. He raided her fridge and cupboards for alcohol, she always kept some in for when him and Aaron dropped by.

Now the hours had passed and Jackson felt drunk, the alcohol was well into his system and it sparked his emotions further and he sobbed into his glass, hoping to drown his sorrows but much to his anger the feelings of guilt, love and sadness were still there.

A knock at the door seconds after downing the remaining vodka in the glass caused him to jump and he got up from the sofa very unsteadily to the point he almost toppled over and fell onto the coffee table. He staggered to the front door and opened it and he was pushed to the side as Chas barged her way in and swiftly turned and stopped in the doorway in front of Jackson, she pointed her finger at him, her expression scrunched with anger. "I've just left my son in bits at that hospital, he told me everything, how could you just leave him like that?" she raged.

"He doesn't want me anymore Chas, I can't help someone who doesn't want help!" he yelled equally as much back.

Chas frowned. "Are you drunk?" she asked.

Jackson nodded. "Yeah. What of it?"

"Of all people Jackson, this is not what I'd expect from you"

Jackson stood still, his eyes averted her gaze and reached into his pocket for his wallet, with the intention of going to the shop to buy more alcohol, and Chas knew it. His other hand reached behind him and pulled the door open, but it was met with resistance as Chas placed her hand against it. "You're not going anywhere! Get in there now!" her head nodded to the living room but Jackson wasn't having any of it. "Jackson NOW!" she yelled.

Jackson shook his head and pushed the door away with force so he could get out. Chas grabbed his arm quickly and pulled him back before he could even step out of the door. Jackson swung around and his face met an almighty tingling feeling as Chas' hand impacted his cheek. He slowly lifted his head, his eyes were filled deeply with tears and all he did was look at Chas and he crumbled right before her eyes, over a month of countless pent up emotions all began to come out in that moment.

"I said to myself, I said Hazel you need to give that boy – you, a good talking too"

Aaron scowled. "Like it's that easy. What do you want Hazel?" he asked sharply.

"Jackson cares Aaron don't push away the few people that you DO have" she told him.

"He cares that much he's not here, proper true love that is aint it?" he questioned.

"Well I've heard you on when you get on your high horse matey, and it isn't so nice. He feels so guilty Aaron, what you said would have seeped right through and he's taken it too heart, that's why he's not here _Aaron!__" _Hazel took a breath. "Yeah you're the one in the bed Aaron but everyone's hurting, things would be a lot easier if you let people in, that tough boy routine you've got going on isn't going to do you any favours...especially now, so stop it...please"

Aaron sighed and looked at her.

"Do you love Jackson, Aaron?" she asked.

"What sort of a question's that?" he frowned.

Hazel smiled. "I'll take that as a yes then"

Aaron tutted. "Shut up"

Hazel smirked and rolled her eyes. "I'm going to call Jackson; do you want me to pass on a message? I mean...On the off chance..." she smirked again.

Aaron nodded...

A few hours later Jackson walked into the hospital with a pack of four lagers concealed in a white carrier bag; he'd dreaded this ever since his mum passed on Aaron's message. Why did someone who seemed to hate him so much want to see him so soon after that nasty outburst? Was it that Aaron really did love him? And it was all down to his own grief? Jackson pondered on it. He stopped outside Aaron's room and sheepishly knocked on the door. Aaron's voice instantly made him smile. That's what Aaron did to him, well one of the things Aaron did to Jackson, on top of all the loving feelings he had for him.

Jackson pushed the handle down and opened the door, he peaked his head round as it was opening it. "Alright?" he smiled slightly as he asked. He then closed the door behind him. Aaron remained silent, which made Jackson's dread worsen; he walked over to the bed and placed the carrier bag down by his feet as he sat down. The awkwardness in the silence caused both men to smirk then Jackson began to look up at his lover until his eyes were locked on him.

Aaron's smirk turned into a smile. "Idiot" was all he said.

Jackson raised an eyebrow. "Jerk"

Aaron laughed and shook his head slightly.

Jackson got up from his chair and put his arm around Aaron's head and looked into his ocean deep blue eyes and kissed him softly at first then the passion overcame them both and the force and pace increased.

To Be Continued...


	9. Home Visit

"Home Visit"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on from _Intervention_

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters used. They belong to ITV.

Jackson walked into Aaron's room with a spring in his step and his usual cheeky smile, which of late had been absent.

Aaron was sat in his chair for the first time, smiling, which was a rare occurrence, more so now due to the psychological trauma his condition brought. "What's got you all happy this morning?" he asked.

Jackson smirked. "Well you know me and you last night on _that_ bed...your mouth still w-" he stopped instantly as the door behind him opened again. He turned as Chas walked in. He smiled *_Almost__got__caught...*_Jackson thought as he let out a breath. "Morning"

Aaron pretended to look shocked but then smirked and was still smirking as he gazed at him lovingly.

"Uhh helloo, Aaron?" Chas spoke impatiently.

Aaron shook his head as he snapped out of his loving gaze. "What?"

"I said, how you doing?" Chas replied.

"Oh...um, yeah..." he nodded. "Alright I guess...you?"

"Me? Oh don't worry about me love" she smiled as she sat down.

"Alright then..." he thought. "What's in the bag?"

Jackson sat down on the bed and looked at her and Chas looked back at Jackson too. "Well me and Jackson thought that now you're in the chair, he could take you back home for the day, might be fun and as to your question...its lager which you can have on the way home if you want?"

Aaron raised his eyebrows. "This might shock you..." he chuckled. "But something tells me this isn't allowed..."

Chas shook her head. "It's not and I haven't asked the nurses...but so what your my kid and you've been stuck in here far too long, I want you to get out even if it is just back to the village for the day"

Aaron thought about it.

"Come on...you know you want too" Jackson persuaded.

"Yeah..." Aaron nodded. "Why not?" he smiled.

Jackson and Chas both smiled. "What you boys waiting for?" she asked as she handed the bag to Jackson.

"You not coming?" Aaron asked with a frown.

"No son, I'm heading into town, I've got an appointment, and Paddy's meeting me there..."

"Ahhh...why?"

"It's to do with the cottage...Paddy and I agreed that you stay there when you get out, it's your home...but it needs some alterations doing to it before then, so that's what we're going to sort out"

Aaron smiled slightly. "Thankyou"

"You're welcome and Paddy is more than fine with this Aaron so don't worry about that"

Aaron nodded.

"Go on, get out of it...I'll deal with the nurses..." Chas smiled at them.

Jackson gave the taxi driver a hand lowering Aaron down to the ground out of the back of the taxi. He smiled at him. "Cheers mate" he said as he handed him cash for the fare. The driver smiled and left them too it. Jackson had asked to be dropped off at the top of the village so that he and Aaron could take a nice slow stroll down through the village. Jackson started to push him along and Aaron turned his head right round to look up at him. "Jackson...I can do it..." he reassured him with a smile.

Jackson stopped. "Oh sorry mate...I didn't think..."

"It's alright..." he reassured him as he placed his head back into the head rest and the chair began to move backwards. "Oops..." he pulled a wary face.

Jackson chuckled.

"Try again eh? Might help Aaron" Aaron said then placed his head back and tried again and the chair began to move forward.

Jackson smiled and walked alongside him, smiling down at him. "You got the hang of that pretty quick" he told him with a smile.

"What can I say? I'm a fast learner" he said and was confident and cocky with it. "So...did you have anything planned?" he asked.

Jackson smirked as he saw some of the Dingles rushing towards them...Aaron obviously hadn't. "I just wanted some alone time with you, away from the hospital, but that can wait until they have seen you and we've had something to eat" he told him.

Aaron looked ahead. "Oh god..." he muttered as Lisa and Charity were almost near.

Both women stopped, and Lisa held out her arms and hugged Aaron tightly. "Oh this is an amazing sight...how are you doing love? You not sick of that hospital food yet?"

Aaron smiled and nodded. "Sick of it? You could say that" he smiled again. "But I'll have a change for today at least"

"What beans and toast?" Charity smirked.

"God yeah!" Aaron enthused.

Jackson chuckled. He'd missed seeing Aaron like that. "It's just a shame it's for the day though, we don't wanna push it"

"Oh is that it?" Charity sighed. "Well I'm sure it won't be long before you're out, by Christmas? That would be good" she smiled then looked at Jackson who stood and slightly shrugged his shoulders.

Jackson wasn't sure that Aaron would be out by then after overhearing some of the conversations between the doctors.

"I hope so" Aaron smiled.

"Right well...we'll let you boys get on" Lisa smiled. "Have a good day you...and remember we're all here for you"

Aaron nodded as he moved the chair forwards slowly and heard Jackson behind saying goodbye to them and they both continued on their way down into the village. Aaron was looking forward to what the day would bring.

The End


	10. Adjustment

"Adjustment"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on from _Home Visit._

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters used. They belong to ITV.

Aaron and Jackson had been back in the village only a few minutes before being bombarded by Lisa and Charity; it was nice to see them but now Aaron was wondering if this was too soon. But he was going to see how the day went first before bailing out and going back to hospital.

"You alright mate?" he heard Jackson ask as they made their way further into the village.

Aaron nodded as he looked up to him. "Yeah" he simply replied.

Jackson smiled. "What do you wanna do?" he asked.

Aaron shrugged. "A pint would go down nicely...but I thought you might have made plans"

Jackson nodded. "I have for later"

"Oh, right then...yeah the pub"

When they got to the pub Jackson took over the chair and lifted it up the step to the pub and then into the doorway, and Aaron took control again, Jackson knew how Aaron was determined to do it alone. The pub seemed quite busy and Aaron took in a deep breath and when he moved himself into the main area of the pub he stopped abruptly and started turning the chair around again to go back out. "What's wrong?" Jackson asked.

"Too many people..." Aaron said quietly but he'd been seen by Adam and he called to them.

"Aaron it's alright, nobody's gunna be looking at you any differently"

Aaron let out a single laugh. "Yeah okay then...if you say so..."

Jackson sighed and looked up and Adam was walking over. "Come on mate I'll get you a pint" he said to Aaron but looked to Jackson to try and get a sense of the awkward situation.

Aaron sighed and turned his chair back around and moved over to a free table and he stopped himself facing the seats against the wall; that suited him fine. "Go get the drinks with Adam, I'm not going anywhere"

Jackson was behind him. "Alright, I'll be two minutes" he replied and left him at the table alone. He sighed as he stopped at the bar.

"Things aren't going well are they?" Adam asked.

"Nope it's terrible"

"Well it's to be expected – I mean he's being through that horrible accident, it'll take time"

"I know it'll take time Adam, that's all I hear, it'll take time" Jackson snapped and shook his head. "Look I'm sorry mate that wasn't fair"

"Nah you're alright" Adam placed his hand on Jackson's shoulder. "It's bound to be stressful"

Jackson nodded.

"What can I get ya lads?" Alicia asked.

"Uhh...three pints please..." Adam replied. "I'll get these"

Jackson smiled. "Cheers, oh and a straw"

Alicia nodded. "No problem"

The lads walked back to the table carrying the pints and Jackson sat next to Aaron and Adam sat opposite. "Hows things going mate, physio good?"

"Well I still can't move anything so I guess not." Aaron was well aware he was making things difficult for everyone around him but he couldn't help it.

Adam nodded slowly. "What about the chair then? You looked like you've got to grips with it already"

Aaron nodded as Jackson held up the straw to his mouth and he took a drink of the lager. "Yeah it's not bad actually, quite easy" he flashed a little smile.

A while later Aaron was ready to leave despite having half a pint left. "You sure? You're not finished your pint"

"Yeah I know I'm ready Jackson" he repeated in a frustrated tone.

Jackson got up and put on his jacket. "Thanks for the drinks mate"

"No problem" Adam smiled. "See ya mate"

Aaron turned to him as he reversed his chair and turned to face the door. "See ya".

Adam noticed the subtle sad look on Aarons face as he said bye. Adam sat in his 0wn thoughts as he watched them both leave.

"What you boys been doing then?" Hazel asked.

"We've just been to the pub" Aaron smiled. "Thanks for getting a ramp put in; it makes it so much easier"

"You're welcome darling...Jackson love go and make us some drinks" she suggested with a look which he took immediately and got up and walked into the kitchen. "It's so good to see you out and about love" she smiled warmly at him.

He smiled back. "Thanks for what you said in the hospital if it wasn't for you I might have lost him..." he sighed and stopped but he seemed to want to continue.

"What is it Aaron?" she asked curiously.

"It's just me, I'm more hard work than I was before and when I'm down which is quite a lot..."

"I can imagine" she listened carefully.

"I know I'm making it hard for everyone and I can't help it but I'm scared I'm going to push him too far and he'll leave...truth is Hazel I need Jackson and I can't bare it without him"

Hazel smiled and leaned forward and placed her hand on his cheek. "Listen to me darling...He's too lost in you to be going anywhere, my boy is strong, I won't lie he'll get stressed and a bit testy at times but like I said he's not going anywhere...love's a funny thing" she smiled and got up and kissed him on the cheek and gave him a hug.

"Thankyou" he whispered.

"Now I was told not to say anything but he's booked a table for the both of you in town...do you think you'll be okay for that?"

Something about Hazel gave Aaron confidence and he nodded with a smile.

"Good..." she smirked as Jackson walked back in.

"What's good?" Jackson asked as he placed the drinks down on the table.

"None of your business sunshine...and anyway, don't you have to get ready?" she asked as she reached over and picked both hers and Aaron's drinks up from the table and held it for him to take a drink.

"Yeah I will actually" Jackson nodded. "I won't be long" he smiled and as he walked by Aaron he leaned down and kissed his forehead and then ran up the stairs.

Hazel almost grinned. "See..."

Aaron smirked too. "You don't have to hold the glass all the time Hazel...I'll ask if I want a drink"

"Oh...right...sorry love" she apologised and quickly put it back down.

Aaron laughed. "So anything good on telly these days? He'll be getting ready for hours the amount he titivates himself"

Hazel laughed as she reached for the remote. "You sounded like me then..."

To Be Continued...


	11. The Beginning Of The End

"Beginning Of The End"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on from _Adjustment._

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters used. They belong to ITV.

"JACKSON WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Aaron yelled as he and Hazel were sat watching TV, his head moved quickly as he spoke.

Seconds later, loud footsteps were heard coming down the stairs. Aaron's expression was cocky as he looked at Hazel. "Just like that" he smirked.

Hazel laughed and shook her head.

"What you shouting for?" Jackson asked with a frown as he stood by Aaron's chair and had his hand gently placed on the back of Aaron's neck.

"Because you've kept your boy waiting long enough mister, I'm surprised he lasted as long as he did to be honest"

"Exactly. Quite proud of that little achievement actually" Aaron proclaimed.

"You're a bit happier then" Jackson commented with a smile.

"Yeah well you know, not every day is so bad. Are we going out or what?" Aaron asked impatiently.

"Yeah we're going now"

"Well not just yet" Aaron answered quickly.

"Because I'm not going anywhere looking like this" he told him as he looked down at himself.

Jackson smirked and fought to keep his laugh in. "Never bothered you before..."

Aaron turned his head quickly and almost glared. "There's nothing wrong with what I wear and if you didn't like it, why approach me all those months ago" Aaron sounded serious for a second which then turned Hazel and Jackson's expressions serious too but then Aaron smirked. "Joking, we going or what?"

Jackson helped Aaron into Smithy cottage and then Aaron moved himself further into the living room. "So...you want me to carry you to your bedroom or shall I go and pick some clothes and bring them down and get you changed?" he asked.

Aaron lowered his head and what Jackson said about carrying him got him down. "No. Just pick something, anything as long as it's not trackies or something"

Jackson nodded but didn't reply just simply left the room and ran upstairs to Aaron's room and hunted around for some clothes.

"Well if that wasn't awkward I dunno what is..." Aaron sighed as he was now back in the chair. "Oh come on Aaron, I've seen it all before"

"Yeah but sex is completely different"

"Oh so it was just sex was it?" Jackson asked with a sparkle in his eye.

Aaron sighed. "You know what I mean"

Jackson smiled. "Yeah, come on then..." Jackson stood up but then kneeled back down in front of him. "It'll be good I promise you alright, and I love you Aaron"

Aaron nodded. "I love you too"

Jackson stood up again and opened the front door, as Aaron moved himself outside. Jackson watched him, his mood had gone down but that was to be expected.

An hour or so later, they had arrived at the Chinese restaurant in town where Jackson had booked them a romantic meal for two, they were at their table with drinks and had already ordered their food. Jackson looked at Aaron lovingly. "What's on your mind gorgeous?"

Aaron shook his head and looked at him. "Those people staring at me"

"No, they're not..." he lied trying to comfort him.

"Yes they are Jackson I'm not stupid"

Jackson sighed and looked over to the nosy customers at another table. "Is there a problem?" he asked loudly, getting no reply, just as he expected.

"Well there will be if you carry on gawping, he's still a human being, how would you like it if we sat glaring at you lot..." there was awkward lowering of heads from the other table. "Yeah thought so"

"You didn't have to go that far..." Aaron said quietly.

"No one does that to you alright, no one."

Aaron lowered his head again and smiled slightly.

The restaurant was low-lit and the colour scheme had lots of black, red, green, blue, white and silver, obviously not just splashed around. Aaron guessed the colours were a part of the Chinese culture, but what did he know he knew nothing about the rest of the world, well very little. "It's nice this place. Comfortable"

"Yeah" Jackson smiled. "It is" he added as the waiter brought over their meals. Jackson thanked him and he began scooping up some noodles on a fork and held it up to Aaron's mouth. Aaron moved forward and took it in his mouth and ate it. "Mmm..."

"Glad you approve" Jackson chuckled.

The evening had went well, despite the conversation being less than probably either of them expected, although Aaron suspected that was down to him. "What do you wanna do now?" Jackson asked.

Aaron looked Jackson in the eyes. "Just take me back"

"The village?" Jackson asked.

"No..." he shook his head. "The hospital...please?"

"Alright, no problem" Jackson hid his disappointment, he wanted to spend more time with him, he had loved the day with Aaron. But he could understand Aaron even though he hadn't expressed many feelings, if he wanted to go back that was okay.

The entrance to the hospital was quiet; it was after hours after all. Aaron stopped just before the automatic double doors and Jackson walked round to him. "You ready?" he asked sadly.

"No..." Aaron shook his head. "I hate this place, I absolutely HATE IT" he became frustrated and moved his head sharply.

"It's alright, you'll be out soon, don't get worked up" Jackson comforted him and leaned down and placed his hand on his.

Aaron frowned. "What's the point? I can't feel it" he sighed loudly, he felt useless.

"No..." Jackson told him before kneeling in front of him. "But I can feel you"

Aaron looked away as his tears fell.

"What's really wrong Aaron?" Jackson asked.

He sobbed uncontrollably, his chest jerked up and down as his breathing was rapid as he attempted to calm himself. "I loved today so so much..." he looked at his boyfriend. "With you, you're always the best bit of any day...but...but you can't take me out every single day to make me happy"

"It obviously hasn't worked though" Jackson then moved his hand to cup Aaron's cheek which Aaron leaned into and embraced.

"It did...it has" he nodded. "But underneath it all is this useless body, this chair and this place that gets me down and it's never going to go away" he cried. "I know it'll take time, yeah I know that but I don't think I'm strong enough for this - for this life, it's pointless, I – " he stopped as his emotions interfered again. "I wish..." he breathed. "That I died in that crash, it would have saved all of this, spared you this pain, at least grief gets easier, this won't."

Jackson wiped away his tears and then wiped his own away. "If you had died Aaron we wouldn't have this second chance we have now and I wouldn't be able to look into those amazing eyes of yours and tell you how much I love you, be-" he stopped as the lump in his throat worsened. He breathed. "Because I do, so so much, you mean the world to me, it's just me and you gorgeous and we will get through this together, I promise you that. I'll never leave you even if you try pushing me"

Aaron was sobbing again and all he could do was nod. "Thankyou" he managed to whisper and he closed his eyes and tears fell into his lap.

Jackson got up and kissed him with passion on his cheek. "You're Aaron Livesy, you can do anything and I'm here" he whispered in his ear.

To Be Continued...


	12. Hitting Home

"Hitting Home"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on a week or so later after _Beginning Of The End_

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters

Chas was stood outside Smithy cottage with her arms folded against her chest as she tried to keep warm in the winter cold. She heard the front door open and Paddy walked out with two cups of steaming coffee. "What you doing out here?" he asked.

"Those builders are doing my head in Paddy, all the decorating is done, they had better not ruin it, and what's taking them so long anyway, the medical support thingy whoever he is, is coming round to check things over and if he comes and there still here..." she sighed loudly.

"Chas...calm down, as for the decorating and alterations, I don't think Aaron is going to care, well he will with the alterations because it'll help him but he's never been a one for decoration" he chuckled.

Chas took one of the mugs from him and held it in her hands. "I know I just want it to be all done...Thankyou Paddy; I mean that, I dunno how I'd have done this if it wasn't for you"

"Well it is his home, I thought about it properly and I wanted to do this, besides there's no major change...I'll just be living upstairs a lot more that's all" he reassured her.

Chas nodded with a smile. "I just want it to be right for him"

Paddy placed his hand on her shoulder. "It will be"

In the quiet hospital room, Jackson was waking up in the chair beside Aaron's bed. He smiled as he watched him sleeping. 'So gorgeous when you sleep' he thought to himself. He sat back and watched him some more before he sat forward and stroked his cheek. He watched Aarons eyes flicker and he woke up. "Hey" Jackson spoke softly.

Aaron smiled. "How long have you been awake?" he asked.

"About five, maybe ten minutes, I just sat watching you"

Aaron chuckled then gave him a serious look. "Today's the day eh?"

Jackson nodded with a smile. "Certainly is, you looking forward to it?"

Aaron breathed in and nodded. "Yeah" he let out a breath. "I 'am actually, a bit nervous"

"Why?" Jackson wondered.

"Because I've got a builder and a woman I can't stand most of the time looking after me" he joked.

"Ha, my sides are splitting, and anyway we know what we're doing, don't you worry about us, you're in safe hands I promise you"

Aaron smiled and turned his head and kissed Jackson's hand that was still caressing his cheek slowly.

-LATER THAT DAY-

The taxi drove off and Aaron and Jackson were met by Chas, Paddy, and Adam. Aaron looked genuinely happy to be back, Jackson though had to double check he was smiling, he had just gotten used to sadness, and it had become a rarity for Aaron to be happy these days under the circumstances. But when he smiled so did Jackson.

"This is brilliant" Adam beamed with a huge smile on his face. "Come here you!" he said to Aaron.

Aaron smiled and moved towards Adam and he was met by a massive friendly hug that he appreciated so much.

"How you doing mate?" Aaron asked.

"Oh you know me mate, fine as always"

Aaron smiled. "Good and what about you two, whats that look for you look worried to death?"

"Me?" Chas asked in a high pitched tone.

"Yes you" he laughed.

"Oh love I just hope you like it – we both do" she looked at Paddy and he agreed.

"Well I won't know until someone opens the door and lets me go in" Aaron smirked.

Aaron moved up the ramp leading to the side door, further along the house away from the front door, but this was now his main entrance. As soon as he moved inside his mood plummeted he felt guilty because his situation had changed not only his own life but Paddy's too, it was his house, now it just looked like the hospital, well downstairs anyway. Chas rushed in front of him and pointed into what was the kitchen. "That's the wet room now and the living room is that aswell as where you sleep"

"Obviously the bed tells it all.." he replied.

"Yeah alright...I thought you'd be pleased?" she sighed.

Aaron decided to pretend and he looked at her and smiled. "Yeah. I'am...sorry. Paddy..." he called.

"Yes mate?" Paddy asked as he walked round to him.

"Thankyou so much" Besides the feelings of guilt for changing his home, he was grateful he'd even decided to do it.

"No problem at all" he smiled.

"I'm going to get some drinks, Paddy I could use a hand" Chas said as she walked to the doorway leading to the wet room but before that was an additional new stairway leading upstairs. The one at the main door was still there but the entrance to what was the kitchen was blocked off.

"Uh not for me Chas I better be heading off, got a lot on at the farm"

"Okay" she called as she was halfway up the stairs.

"I'll drop in later mate if that's alright?" Adam asked.

"Sure, we'll be in" Jackson replied.

"I think he was talking to me." He eyed Jackson then looked back at Adam. "Yeah I'll be here"

"Great, see you both in a bit" Adam said as he walked back out the door.

Not long after Adam left, Paddy and Chas came back down with the drinks and Chas gasped. "What you doing?"

Jackson was carrying Aaron over to the bed and he turned his head to look at her and gave her a confused look. "Carrying my boyfriend to the bed so he can relax, I thought the sight was obvious"

"Yeah well you should have shouted one of us" she said as she put her drink down and rushed over as Jackson laid Aaron down. "Move please"

Jackson sighed and did as he was asked and he looked at Paddy who only shrugged in reply.

"You alright there?" she asked her son.

"Well my head feels comfy, nice soft pillows I assume Jackson chose them" he smirked.

"Hey you, I did actually and anyway you don't look comfy" she said quickly and began adjusting his pillows causing his head to flop to the side.

Jackson watched the frustration intensify on Aaron's face and he turned his head because he knew what was coming.

"Mum! Stop it, get off!" Aaron yelled.

Chas quickly stopped and looked at him. "I just wanted to help"

"Yes I know but I was fine, you have to stop before this gets too much to handle"

Chas was sad and she walked away and out of the door to the side of the bed. Aaron sighed. "You know what? I'd like to be alone, so if you don't mind, do one" he spoke quickly.

Jackson shot a look back at him. "Don't you think you're being a bit harsh?"

"Yeah I 'am leave me alone."

"Alright...alright...we'll be upstairs if you need us" Paddy told him.

"I won't." He was certain about that one.

Jackson looked at Paddy and they both began to leave the room.

Hours had passed and downstairs where Aaron was, was completely silent just as it was when Paddy and Jackson left him. Jackson walked down the stairs hoping his mood had changed. He popped his head into the room and knocked on the door. "Safe to come in?" he asked, noting Aaron was in the same position he was when he'd left him.

Aaron nodded and Jackson smiled as he walked into the room and pulled up a chair by Aaron's side.

"Or you could get on the bed?" Aaron asked.

"I thought you'd never ask" Jackson grinned as he forgot about the chair and walked around and laid on the bed next to him.

"I didn't think I had too" he smiled at him.

"What's going on Aaron?" Jackson asked.

"I dunno, I just feel guilty for changing Paddy's home"

"It's yours too" Jackson told him.

Aaron nodded as Jackson leaned up onto his elbow. "Let me do those pillows for you" his voice was quiet.

Aaron nodded to let him and he just lay watching him and their eyes met as Jackson was busy arranging them again. "What?" Jackson asked with a chuckle.

"I was just wondering when you were going to kiss me"

"Well now if you like?" Jackson smiled.

"Sounds good to me"

Jackson's smile widened and he moved closer to Aaron until their lips met and they passionately kissed. Once they stopped, Jackson shot up.

"What?" Aaron laughed.

"I got you something..." he said as he reached under the bed. "A belated Christmas present"

"Open it for me then" Aaron told him.

Jackson nodded and began opening it and then proudly unfolded the shirt and held it up.

Aaron frowned and smirked. "A checked shirt?"

"You don't like it?" Jackson asked.

"No..." he swayed his head from side to side as he thought. "I do...but I'm not wearing it"

Jackson smiled and leaned in to kiss him again.

To Be Continued...


	13. Baby Steps

"Baby Steps"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on a week or so later after _Hitting Home _

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters

Paddy, Rhona, Jackson and Aaron were sat at the table in what was formerly the living room; there had still been room for a dining area downstairs when they needed it. Over time Aaron's pride had slowly disappeared, well in front of people he was comfortable with anyway. He didn't mind being bathed, fed and helped in general.

Jackson held up a piece of toast for Aaron as he was chatting with Paddy and Rhona. Aaron smirked and pulled a face as he watched Jackson then leaned to the toast and took a bite. Jackson turned to him and smirked. "What?" he asked with a chuckle.

Aaron scrunched his face "It's just all so casual..." he said with a mouthful.

"Well...it is...we've all had time to adjust...except you need to take one more leap and start going out more in public" Paddy replied.

Aaron sighed and let his head fall back into the head rest. "Really?"

"Really!" the three of them replied in unison.

"Morning!" Chas shouted as she opened the door.

They all turned and looked. "Hmm...good timing...might try that then...see ya" Aaron flicked both eyebrows up with a sigh and turned in his chair to head back out in the door she just came through.

Chas frowned and stood in front of him. "Stop being so rude will ya? I've come to see ya and I got you a bacon butty..." she explained then actually realised they were just finishing breakfast. She felt slightly flat after realising that. "Oh..."

"Sorry Chas...I didn't know you were coming..." Paddy apologised.

"And I didn't realise I had to call ahead first!" she snapped.

"No...No..." Rhona shook her head quickly. "You don't"

Chas relaxed with a heavy sigh and sat beside her son on a free seat. "I didn't eat this morning anyway, so I might aswell not let it go to waste"

Aaron raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, you do that won't ya?"

"Oh stop being so mardy will ya?" she shook her head. "Anyway, Diane's told me to pass on a message that she expects you all to be in the woolie tonight for the New Years Eve celebrations"

Jackson gave a supportive look to Aaron as he knew as soon as those words came out of Chas' mouth; Aaron's stomach would rise up into his throat. "We'll be there" Jackson nodded.

"Good, I'll see you all then, then" she smiled and quickly stood. "I was just passing on my way to the pub...see how you were doing"

Aaron looked up to her. "Hardly on your way is it? More of a diversion..."

Chas sighed and turned to leave, as she opened the door Jackson got up and followed her quickly and closed the door behind him once he was outside. "I'm sorry Chas; he's been like that all morning, sarcastic, winding people up"

Chas turned to face him with a smile. "I wouldn't worry kid...he's been like that for as long as I can remember...I just wish for once he would be serious and realise that I'm just worried, scared you know this is all a massive change and I just feel like I'm being left out...I'm a grown woman...how pathetic does that sound?"

Jackson shook his head and his eyes squinted from the bright sunlight. "It's not pathetic, but I' am sorry if I've contributed to you feeling like that"

Chas shook her head and half turned away. "No it's him Jackson..." she looked sad and walked away.

When Jackson walked back inside, Paddy and Rhona had gone – to work he'd assumed. "Right..."

"Right what?" Aaron asked as he turned to face his boyfriend.

"Do you realise how horrible you are to your mum?" he asked.

"Yes" he simply replied.

"Well pack it in!" Jackson raised his voice. "She was so close to tears out there because of you, stop pushing her away for god sake!"

"If I let her in, she'll go again and I'll be right back to square one" Aaron told him calmly.

"No she won't, you're her son. Just stop acting like a child and act like a man alright...because you and I both know that you can be...and Aaron...I really want us to have a good night tonight...but if you don't wanna go then that's fine but at least just think about it"

Aaron hesitantly nodded.

"That's all I ask" Jackson smiled. "Do you need anything before I go to work?"

"Just need to be put on the bed and you can put the telly on if you don't mind?"

Jackson shook his head and walked closer to him and undid his straps and went about carrying him onto the bed, after putting the TV on, he made sure he was comfortable and left.

Jeremy Kyle was on in the background and Aaron looked around the room and sighed with a heavy heart.


	14. Joint Efforts

"Joint Efforts"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on after _Baby Steps _

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters

Aaron shook his head quickly. "No I don't like that one" he told Jackson as he was stood getting ready a few metres away.

Jackson sighed and walked back to the CD player and changed the song.

"Nope, don't like that either"

Jackson frowned; after all he was trying to get ready for the party in the pub, he pressed the skip button yet again and looked at Aaron. "How about this one?"

Aaron scrunched his face and shook his head.

"Tough, it's staying on, we're gunna be late...now I'd like it if I can change now..."

"Okay" Aaron said simply and looked around the room as the music played; he couldn't tell if Jackson sensed it, but Aaron was winding him up all along, for the millionth time in one day.

Jackson removed his t-shirt and Aaron caught sight of his boyfriends amazing body, and he looked away, his lips pouted slightly as it began to sadden him. All he could do was try and remember how his skin felt, his warmth and its smoothness. It also got him thinking back to the old days when they used to get ready together for nights out and mess around and have a laugh, but those days were long gone.

"Will I do?" Jackson asked and then he sighed a little as he watched Aaron in his reflective state. "Aaron?"

Aaron heard him that time and looked up. "Sorry, what?" he asked.

"Will I do?" he repeated.

"Oh" Aaron smiled and looked at him. "You look fit...amazing, you always do" his smile widened and Jackson nodded with a grin.

Jackson turned around and walked quickly to the wardrobe and opened it, Aaron couldn't see what he was doing because the opened door was obstructing his view.

Aaron frowned. "What are you doing?" Seconds later the checked shirt that Jackson had bought Aaron for Christmas hung over the door.

"Ha!" the sarcasm was clear then Aaron's tone fell flat as he spoke again. "No."

Jackson immediately popped his head past the door with a massive grin on his face.

"The answers no Jackson" Aaron told him again.

"Oh C'mon just this once, then you never have to wear it again, promise" Jackson pleaded.

"No! Just get me my jumper and trackies, whats the point in making an effort when I'm stuck like this anyway?" Aaron replied

"Aar-" Jackson was cut off

"Don't Jackson just don't, Just get me changed and let's get this night over and done with."

Jackson quietly placed the shirt over the chair near him, and moved to get out Aaron's desired clothing. As Jackson walked back across to him, Aaron turned his head away completely so he didn't have to look at Jackson.

Jackson sighed. *_Maybe it's a good thing Chas feels left out...better than feeling like this every day...* _he thought and began to dress Aaron's numbed body.

A while later and with Aaron back in his chair and strapped in safely Jackson walked to the door and opened it "You all set then?" he asked.

"Suppose so..."

"Come on then, you will be alright you know" Jackson smiled warmly at him as he motioned head towards the door but Aaron wasn't making a move.

"Aaron, come on everyone's expecting us" he walked towards Aaron and kneeled down in front of him "Whats wrong?" he asked softly

"I don't wanna go, I don't like being forced into things, you'll have a better time going without me, just go"

Jackson stood up with a saddened expression on his face "Aaron please! I want to go with my boyfriend who I'm so proud of with the progress you've made...Its only family and friends Aaron they aren't gonna look at you any differently, please come on" Jackson pleaded.

Aaron leaned his head back and couldn't help but begin to laugh. "You call this progress? Really? Okay..." Aaron trailed off. "Jackson just go can't keep *everyone* waiting" he said sarcastically as then spun his chair around.

"Fine Aaron have it your way! Sit here and feel sorry for yourself" Jackson stormed out of the house and left Aaron with a loud bang of the wooden door and marched towards the pub.

"Pint please" Jackson asked as he propped himself up on a stool at the bar. Diane nodded and walked to get his pint.

"I said to myself, I said Hazel, my boy needs cheering up!" Hazel' distinct voice made its way through the bar as she hurried through to meet up with her son.

Jackson let out a long drawn out sigh and put his head in his hand and looked at Diane. "Oh god...Is she here already? It's too early" he sighed again.

"Afraid so love" the landlady replied with a smirk as she placed his pint down.

"For the sake of your life mother don't you dare say karaoke" he warned as he handed over his money to Diane.

Hazel frowned. "Oh come on I'm only messing, what's up with you? I mean I know...well I can guess but it's almost every day sunshine"

"Oh god!" he was frustrated. "Can I please just have this drink in peace please? If you wanna annoy someone, go to smithy and annoy that stubborn idiot out of the house, because my patience are wearing thin!"

"It'll be alright love, don't get yourself worked up" Diane intervened expressing her supportive side to Jackson.

Adam was sat with Mia on the opposite side of the pub and heard Jackson's frustrations; he made his excuses to Mia, and promised he'd be back soon and then left the pub.

"Worked up about what?" Chas piped up as she and the rest of the Dingles piled in.

Hazel frowned and turned to Chas. "Your son has decided he's not coming"

"Yeah I can speak for myself mum..." Jackson chided. "I'm sorry Chas; I tried my best I really did"

Chas sighed. "This has got to stop!" she said and turned to leave.

"No Chas, I wouldn't please...just enjoy your night yeah..."

Chas relaxed and turned back to him. "I'll give it an hour then I'm going up there"

"Alright that's fine." he smiled.

Adam walked in without knocking. "Alright lad?"

"Who invited you in?" Aaron asked quickly.

"I wasn't going to wait was I? Its brass monkeys out there!"

Aaron raised an eyebrow quickly. "Fair enough...Jackson sent you has he? Can't leave anything alone" he said flippantly.

"No he doesn't know I'm here, I just overheard him in the pub, they're worried about you, you know, and to be honest so am I" Adam explained.

"Well don't" Aaron replied.

"Aaron talk to me whats wrong mate?" Adam asked.

Aaron lowered his head "I'm not me Adam, I can't do anything anymore he should have left me when I gave him the chance. He deserves more than a moody cripple like me, I know deep down he regrets staying with me, he's only with me out of guilt. Everyone in the village look at me different I've seen them...don't try telling me they don't. They just give my pathetic smiles, I can't do it, and you're the only one who's not changed around me" he explained.

Adam stepped forward and sat on the arm of the chair next to Aaron and put his hand around the back of his neck. "He loves you so much; he wouldn't have stuck around if he didn't. They will look at you different Aaron, you come with a set of wheels now" Adam smirked."But that's all it is they don't look at you for any other reason, they know it's still Aaron. We all care you know"

Aaron smiled.

Adam stood up "So you gonna come to the pub with me hmm?" he asked with a smile

"Yeah ok but if I get one look I'm outta there"

"Deal" Adam agreed as he stepped towards the door waiting for his best mate.

"Adam! Wait" Aaron raised his voice.

"What?"

"That shirt there, over the chair...get it for me...and..." he fell silent and lowered his head.

"Of course mate" Adam smiled.

"Thanks" Aaron said quietly but looked back up at him and smiled slightly.

Several minutes later, Aaron and Adam were making their way down the village and Adam had a new found sense of the struggles Jackson and the family had in everyday life and that was just after he'd changed his shirt. "It looks good mate" he complimented.

"Cheers" Aaron replied.

"Listen mate, I was just wondering and don't kick off alright...but why have you come to the pub for me and not Jackson?"

Aaron thought about it. "I don't know...god I'm so horrible!"

"Yeah" Adam chuckled. "You are...right I'll take over here, get you up these steps..."

Once inside, everyone who saw Aaron smiled at him which instilled a sense of ease within him. Chas smiled and tapped Jackson on the shoulder as she walked by to give Charity her drink. Jackson turned around and there he was, dressed in the shirt he'd bought him, and he knew he'd only wore it for him, despite his misgivings about it earlier. Jackson could feel his heart melting as he looked at the adorable cute smile on Aaron's face. Jackson got down from the stool and walked over to him; he leaned down and kissed him passionately on the lips. "I love you"

Aaron smiled. "I love you too"

Much, much later, the New Years Eve celebrations were in full swing, some of the villagers were taking turns on the karaoke, the pub was packed, and quite noisy, but Aaron didn't mind it, however what he did mind was the two cats screaming down the microphone. "They have no idea how embarrassing this is!" Aaron laughed. "She is not my cousin and she is certainly not my mam!"

"No one minds" Jackson smiled and rested his hand on Aaron's and squeezed. Aaron looked down and saw his hand tightening around his own; it made him feel good to know he was doing that.

"I'm a bit drunk..." Aaron told him.

Jackson leaned in and placed his hand on his face. "It's alright, it's New Years Eve, let's just enjoy ourselves, you've got me" he smiled and picked Aaron's bottle up and held the straw to his mouth.

Chas walked back to her seat after getting another drink and fully intended to leave her son alone that night but she caught sight of him sitting alone and looking a little miserable. She felt sorry for him, she was pleased he didn't see her expression; it's exactly what he didn't want.

"Alright son?" Chas asked as she sat beside him.

Aaron's head swayed a little before he answered and he had to focus on her properly and he nodded.

"Good" Chas smiled.

"I'm sorry I've been horrible mum" he said with sincerity.

"It's alright...I just feel left out that's all" she admitted.

Aaron sighed. "Sorry...again"

"No...nooo love...listen"

"No please just two seconds..." Aaron said. "I do want you around, if I promise to not be horrible will you not do my head in?"

Chas smiled widely. "We can both try can't we?"

Aaron nodded.

Chas put her arm around him and kissed him on the cheek. "I love you son"

Aaron smiled. "You too"

"So...where's Jackson?"

"Outside with Adam I think...get me a drink please"

Chas raised her eyebrow. "Hmm..."

"Oh come on it's not like I'm gunna fall over is it?" he said with a drunken smirk washed all over his face.

Chas' mouth fell open. "You really just didn't say that..."

"Well...its true and I'm just trying" he looked at her and smiled. "...Go on then..."

Chas nodded. "Last one" she said before she stood and walked to the bar.

"I don't think sooo" he mocked when he knew she couldn't hear.

TBC...


	15. Downward Spiral Pt 1

"Downward Spiral Part One"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on after _Joint Efforts _

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters

It was the morning after the night before and Aaron woke up groaning, his head was banging from last night's alcohol consumption. His groans woke Jackson. "Morning sexy"

"Oh god don't shout..." Aaron said quietly.

"Someone feeling a bit delicate?" he asked. "We did try telling you but nope Aaron Livesy knows best" Jackson smirked.

Aaron turned to look at him with his trademark scowl. "In an ideal world I would have slapped you for that"

Jackson smirked and for a laugh slapped himself. "Ow..." he winced. "that hurt actually" and then both men began to laugh.

"it's so good to see you smiling" Jackson watched with such love.

Aaron smiled again. "And anyway...it was mum's fault who am I to turn down free drinks? And I was following your orders …erm what was it you said again hmm?" he pretended to think "Oh yeah *have a good time*" he smirked.

Jackson shuffled closer to Aaron and started stroking his head "And did you?" Jackson asked seriously.

"I suppose I did yeah"

Jackson sighed and shook his head quickly. "Do you ever give straight answers Aaron!" he sighed again, while Aaron laughed

"Where's the fun in that?"

Jackson leaned over the top of Aaron, both their bodies touching, gazing in each other's eyes "Good job I love you" Jackson then leaned further down and gave Aaron a passionate kiss which carried on for some time.

After their long embrace, Jackson had rested his head on Aaron's chest and had fallen back to sleep. , Aaron lay awake as a silent tear fell down his cheek; a little while later Jackson woke again and saw that Aaron was crying.

"Aaron? What's wrong? What is it?" Jackson asked in concern.

Aaron squinted as his eyes filled up and more tears streamed down his face. "I- I wanna hold you so bad and I can't Jackson. I just wanna feel you so bad" he cried

Jackson wiped away Aaron's tears "Ssh its ok I know" He then lifted up Aaron's arm for him and put it over his shoulder and laid his head on Aaron's chest "There just like old times hey" Tears began falling down Jacksons face.

Several hours later Jackson had just had a shower and walked back into the bedroom area dripping in just a towel which he swiftly took off to get dressed. He looked at Aaron who was checking him out. Jackson wiggled his bum which made Aaron laugh; he then continued to get dressed. "Right your turn" Jackson smiled at his boyfriend then pulled back the duvet revealing Aaron in just his boxers and put his arm under his legs and around his back and carried him into the wet room and placed a gentle kiss on his lips before he rested Aaron down onto the hoist.

Both men emerged about half an hour later after Aaron had been bathed. He lay Aaron down on the bed and then went to get his blue t-shirt, black hoodie and trackies.

Aaron was now ready and sorted and Jackson sat on the edge of the bed.

"Mmm I feel peckish what do you fancy?"

Aaron curled his lips and raised his eyebrows "Whatever. Not bothered. Foods food."

"Noodles? Soup? Bacon? Me?" Jackson winked, expecting at least a smile from Aaron, but got nothing. "Or we could grab something at the Cafe? or Pub?" he suggested.

"No. Just cook anything I don't care Jackson." Jackson went into the Kitchen and opened the fridge "Bacon it is" he shouted. He took the packet from the fridge and placed some rashers in the pan.

As it was cooking the smell filled the room "Mmm I just love the smell don't you Aaron?" he called from the kitchen.

"It's food not aftershave" he snapped with a frown.

Jackson threw a tea towel over his shoulder, turned the bacon down and left it to cook and went into the room with Aaron and sat on the edge of the bed again. "What do you want to do for the rest of the day then?" he asked with a smile.

Aaron scoffed "What would *I* like to do today hmmmm" he replied sarcastically "Well" He continued "I would like to go for a ten mile run, play football, go ice skating, but oh look I can't do any of those things now can I Jackson? So really the question is what do YOU want to do hmm? he spat.

Aaron you need to stop this, there's still loads we can do you know, come on you've come so far don't take a step back Aaron"

Aaron scowled "What can I do? Talk? Watch things? Eat? Oh wait I can't even do that myself….The only thing I'm good for is..." he sighed. "Well noth-"

Jackson stopped him there "Aaron we can still go for walks, meals, cinema, anything. You've got me to help you Aaron, we can do whatever you want"

Aaron shot a look at Jackson. "Right I'll go fetch a film from mums, I left a couple behind, won't be long, do you need anything else?" he asked

"A new body thanks" Jackson knew better than to answer him when he was in that mood.

About half an hour later Jackson came back. "You took your time didn't ya?" Aaron scowled.

"Yeah sorry you know what my mum's like, can talk for England doesn't know when to shut up" he laughed.

"What if I needed something Jackson hmm? What if something happened?" he questioned

"I-.." Jackson was interrupted

"Save It. You're not up to caring for me are you? Being here twenty four seven. Cause it's not what you signed up for. Your only still here out of pure guilt. Let it go. You're forgiven ok? Relived of your duties" he shouted before turning his chair.

Jackson was in shock "Aaron what the- Where's all this come from? I Love you that's why I'm here. Of course I'm up for caring for you. I'm learning Aaron. I'm here and I always will be until the day I die." Jackson sighed. "Please you must stop pushing me away I'm your boyfriend Aaron."

Aaron threw his head back " You just don't get it do you! This isn't a relationship Jackson. You're my carer. I can't kiss you. Touch you. Have sex with you. Nothing! I think you should find somebody else who can do all those things. Don't waste your life with me. I'm stuck Jackson you're not. I'm giving you the chance to go" As he was ranting tears ran down his face, as did Jackson.

"I love you Aaron" Jackson sniffled "And you love me I know you do"

Aaron shook his head "No I don't" he said softly.

"Please Aaron I'm sorry I took ages earlier it won't happen again. I want to be with you and care for you, please!" Jackson pleaded "NO! Go find someone else Jackson I don't want you anymore, we're over!"

Jackson ran out of smithy cottage in floods of tears, he was distraught to the point he fell to his knees on the grass outside and he sobbed so hard, it hurt.

Aaron remained in his chair, he hated doing that but he didn't want Jackson to rot alongside him, it wasn't fair. Jackson was able, he was not. He deserved to live his life and move on without Aaron. He had no intention of holding Jackson back.

TBC...


	16. Downward Spiral Pt 2

"Downward Spiral Part Two"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on immediately after _Downward Spiral Part One_

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters

Aaron was brought out from his thoughts as the smell of bacon caught his attention...the smell of burning bacon and he was in the house alone. Paddy was at work, and the door to the surgery was closed, it always was now since the living room had been changed to Aaron's bedroom. And what exactly was he going to do? Roll up to the door and hopefully the front of his chair would hit the door and cause a bang and get Paddy or Rhona's attention.

No, not yet anyway, he was going to try this first. "JACKSONNN!" he yelled as loudly as possible hoping, just hoping that he was near the house still. He began to panic slightly as the smoke rising from the pan made its way down the stairway and spreading slowly into the wet room and his room. He couldn't hear the clicks and clacks of fire, so that was good at least...but still, this wasn't a situation the tetraplegic lad thought he'd find himself in.

"Help!" he yelled again after realising Jackson was probably long gone, served him right though for treating him like that.

Debbie burst in the door moments later. "Jesus what's going on? Frightened the life out of me when I walked past..."

Aaron took a breath after shouting so loud and for so long. "Jackson left some bacon in the pan..."

Debbie turned and saw the smoke. "Bloody hell!" she ran to the stairs and went upstairs and into the kitchen and turned the pan off then threw the bacon in the bin, she opened some windows and came back down. She looked at him as she thought.

"Thanks..." Aaron replied sheepishly. "What?" he asked when he saw the look on her face.

"I don't believe Jackson is so stupid to have left that on for so long...where is he?" she asked.

"Gone." He put it simply.

"Why? Where?"

"Because I told him too and I don't know where..."

"You've been arguing again?" she asked as she sat in front of him.

Aaron nodded. "I'm not going into details but he's better off just getting on with his own life. Away from me"

Debbie sighed and shook her head. "I'm gunna have to tell your mum...if Jackson's not around, Paddy can't pack his job in..."

Aaron nodded. "I know..."

Debbie nodded pleased that he didn't argue. "I've gotta go but is there anything i can get you before I do?" she asked.

He shook his head. "But you can leave the door open for me if you don't mind?"

Debbie stood up. "Sure but don't go anywhere...she'll kill me..."

Aaron chuckled. "I won't, she'll be over in no time I expect though..."

"Very likely...listen Aaron..." she said as she stood at the door. "He obviously cares more about you than his own life at the minute, not many lads his age would do what he's done for you these past months, you need to lay off him"

Aaron nodded subtly. "Like I said...he's gone"

Debbie gave in and left and Aaron followed her out and stopped himself just as his chair emerged over the threshold of the front door...well his front door, he was grateful for the cold air.

As he breathed it in, he looked around the village and he saw Jackson standing outside Dale head leaning against the wall. He had to apologise at least he thought. "Jackson!" he yelled again. "Wait there!"

Jackson looked up towards Aaron's voice and saw him in his chair outside Smithy. He began to walk up to him quickly. "No Aaron don't!" he cautioned.

Aaron quickly rested his head back into the brace a bit too quickly which in turn sent his chair along and onto the grass a bit too fast and his speed picked up as the gentle slope of the ground pulled him faster.

Pearl had just left Leyla's and Cain heard from the garage and they turned as the shouting caught their attention and Chas heard it as she stormed out of the pub after being updated by Debbie. She frowned and looked up to Aaron and she began to run as he was rolling a little too quickly for her liking.

Jackson's pace increased to a run.

Aaron was only concentrating on Jackson and his desire to apologise that he hadn't saw the small drop onto the road, a drop that the chair would not handle, and it didn't. Aaron and the chair fell forward and Aaron's face scraped along the road as he impacted the concrete.

Cain now began to run.

"Aaron!" Chas screamed and ran up to her son; she and Jackson were first there.

Chas got to her knees and reached beneath her son and clicked the strap button and they released. "Move the chair Jackson"

Jackson slowly moved it away from Aaron's body and it was free.

"We've gotta get him off the road..."

Cain stopped and the sight of his nephew lying awkwardly face down choked him slightly. "I'll get him"

Aaron was unresponsive now, he didn't speak one word, and his stare was blank. Jackson held onto the chair as Cain placed Aaron back in the chair. "Ohhh better get that sorted mate..." he referred to the bloodied scratches on the side of his face as he kneeled down in front of him. "Bit stupid wasn't it kid?"

Aaron flinched his eyebrows. "I just wanted to see Jackson, to apologise"

Cain and Chas shot a look at Jackson.

"We argued, he told me to get on with my life without him etc..." Jackson explained.

"And you left him! You know not to listen to him when he's like that!" Chas shouted.

"Oh so because I'm a cabbage, that means that my wishes should be ignored is that right?" Aaron shot back.

Chas sighed.

"He has a point sis" Cain agreed with Aaron.

"No love...I didn't mean it li-" she sighed again. "Let's get inside, I bet you're freezing"

Aaron shook his head. "I quite like it actually...and the pain, yes before you ask, feels bloody fantastic"

Back inside Smithy, Chas and Jackson were left with Aaron as Cain had to get back to work, but he said he'd drop in later.

"So what's going on then boys?" Chas asked.

"Aaron can explain but I think I need to stay at home tonight..." Jackson told her.

"That's fair enough, you can't be expected to do everything..." she understood that.

Jackson nodded. "But to make it clear..." he shot a look to Aaron. "I want to do this with you, I love my life with you despite the circumstances, I don't want to change that, and I' am up to it, I'll come by tomorrow and we'll talk alright?"

Aaron was shot down and he just nodded.

Jackson looked at Chas who nodded at him before he left.

"And now there are two...I'll just go and get something to clean you up with" she smiled and then ran up the stairs.

In the silence his mind was working in overdrive. Countless thoughts whirled around in there, and a thought came back to him, one he'd had many times ever since the crash but chose to shove it aside, but this time was different it was staying firmly in the forefront of his mind, and he liked it now. The whirlwind storm within him calmed and he seemed content with that thought, that decision.

Several hours later it was dark, Paddy, Rhona and Chas were upstairs cooking tea, and he assumed that his mother was filling them in on the day's events. Weird...he thought, the day was planned to be a hung-over lazy day...so much changed in those hours since.

There was a knock at the door. "Come in"

The door opened. "Hey mate, your mum text me asking me to come up" Adam said.

"Yeah I told her too" Aaron smiled. "Sit down"

Adam sat down on the bed and looked at him. "Ouch..."

"I went for a stroll" he smirked. "Well me and Jackson argued, I said some horrible things...I wanted to apologise...but I was going to fast and hit the road"

"What was it about this time?" he asked.

"I told him that he wasn't cut out to care for me and that he should move on with his life and not be lumbered with me" Aaron explained.

"It's a bit harsh mate..."

"I know and it's true though..."

"Why go to apologise then?" Adam frowned.

"Because I wouldn't have let it out normally but I got so wound up of everything, my situation, my life...I hate it Adam I really do..." tears came to his eyes as he looked at his best mate.

"Ahh come on Aaron..." he put his hand around the back of his neck. "It's only been a few months...you have the rest of your life to adjust to this..."

Aaron rested his head back. "I'm sorry; I know it's always the same old story..."

"No...No...this is what mates are for...I'd do anything to help you mate I would but the sad truth of it is, nothing can help you get back to the lad you were, I loved that Aaron and I love the Aaron you're becoming you're so brave..."

Aaron shook his head as his eyes were flooded by tears; he had to catch his breath. "I'm not..." he said as he sobbed.

"Yes you are" he told him again.

"I can't live like this Adam...and this is horrible for you to hear and for the others to hear when they do but I don't want to live anymore...I can't do it"

Adam's mouth partly fell open, there was something in his tone and the words he spoke that told him that this wasn't just because of his situation, this was real and Aaron was telling him. Adam watched Aaron turn away, crying hard.

Adam swallowed hard. "You have too" and Aaron just shook his head. "I don't want too and I don't have the energy to live the next fifty or so years pretending to be happy when I'm not and I never will be. I know that. All I've done is cause pain to the people that I love and I'm still doing it now...and I can't carry it on..."

Adam frowned. "What are you asking me to do Aaron...?" he asked slowly.

Aaron turned back to his clearly distraught and frustrated friend. "I think you know Adam" he told him quietly.

Adam lowered his head as his emotions caught up with him. "I'm not helping you to die Aaron...you're my best mate"

"I know that...I want this Adam...and I'm not saying it because of the kind of day I've had...I'm saying it because I've had this thought on and off since the accident...I can't do it alone. I need your help mate"

Adam put his head in his hands and his shoulders jerked up and down as he cried.

"I know it's a big ask"

"damn right?" Adam shot up out of his chair. "No granted you can't feel anything and you can only move your head yeah its terrible...and to be honest yes I can understand you asking me that but you have your family and friends around for support, can you think what this would do to your mum? Paddy? Me? What about Jackson Aaron?" Adam sighed. "I-I can't think straight...I feel for you mate and I understand you're serious but this is..." he stepped back towards the door. "...it's just too much..."

"No Adam please..." he stopped when Adam walked out and it slammed seconds later.

Aaron sighed and rested his head back and closed his eyes, and then the door opened again. It was Cain. "Who rattled his cage?"

Aaron opened his eyes and shrugged. "I dunno..."

"Mum upstairs is she?"

Aaron nodded and Cain went up to find her leaving Aaron alone to his own thoughts.

TBC...


	17. Let Me Try

"Let Me Try"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on immediately after _Downward Spiral Part Two_

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters

Aaron was alone, and out in the village, he stopped outside Leyla's and he saw Adam across the street. "Adam! You got a minute?" he shouted over to him.

Adam continued walking without acknowledging him. "I can't even look at you right now mate never mind talk!"

Aaron lowered his head and sighed. "Please mate just two seconds?" he looked up again and watched Adam and after a few seconds he stopped.

Adam growled to himself in frustration. *How the hell can I ignore him?* he thought to himself and turned on his heel and walked over to his mate. "You shouldn't be out alone you know?"

Aaron nodded. "Paddy saw me out and left the door ajar and watched me down the street, I took the path today...fancied a change" he raised his eyebrows and chuckled.

"Yeah...your face is bad mate..."

"My mam put some cream on it last night; I'll be alright...listen about last night..."

Adam lowered his head. "I don't really wanna talk about it Aaron"

"Well that's fine but you can listen...It's a fresh new day but I haven't gone back on what I said to you last night...in confidence."

"In confidence? How can I keep that to myself! I can't help you and I won't!" Adam spat as he leaned down right into Aaron's face.

"You can help me Adam"

"Truth is yeah I could..." Adam sighed. "But I don't want too, I couldn't sit there, help you die by whatever means you're thinking up in that head of yours, it would kill me if you weren't here anymore, you're loved around here more than you think you know"

"Yeah I get that but peoples love can't help me get my body working again can it?"

"If you love the people you supposedly care about enough you wouldn't have said that, there love *CAN* help you, push you to do the physio...make you fight for your old life...and yeah it mightn't work but you'll never know if you don't try. You're bailing out already because you can't be bothered and that's the truth."

Aaron sighed and closed his eyes. "You don't understand"

"Well then explain it to me!" Adam stepped back.

"Put yourself in my shoes..."

"Like I haven't done that over and over in my mind since your accident" Adam replied as he looked away.

Aaron waited for the villagers to walk far enough away from them after they left the shop before he continued. "I can imagine for you it's really hard to imagine not being able to move or feel anything...but it's like..." he began to get choked up. "It's like I see my body and this so so stupid but I'm just a head...that's all I can feel I can't even feel my heartbeat for god sake, unless I get so angry its pounding in my neck! I feel so useless Adam, I 'am a burden to everyone, whether they say I'm not I don't care because I know the truth"

Adam was silent, tears in his own eyes as he listened.

"I just...I just wanna be free because I can't take this no more!" Aaron yelled and began to get worked up and moved his head around frantically as he began to cry as he spoke. "I can't take it anymore!" he sobbed.

Adam stepped closer. "Aaron! Aaron...!" Adam yelled and placed his hands on either side of his face and forced him to stop.

"I'm still not helping you but I wanna try and make you see that life is worth living...please..." Adam gasped, caught in the emotion with his best mate. "Please let me try"

Aaron cried and Adam did too and he hugged him as best he could. "Please Aaron?" he whispered again as tears dropped from his eyes.

Leyla walked outside after hearing the commotion. "You two alright?"

Adam stood up and wiped his eyes and nodded. "Yeah" he breathed. "One of those days..."

Leyla nodded and looked on sympathetically. "If you need anything just gimme a shout"

"Thanks" Adam replied as she walked back inside.

"Alright..."

Adam turned to Aaron again.

"Give it a try..." Aaron told him.

Adam smiled he couldn't help but not.

"You're gunna have to tell Jackson aren't you?" Aaron asked.

Adam nodded. "Yeah mate, and besides you're a tough one you are, I'm gunna need his help" Adam smiled.

Aaron nodded slowly. "Might not need to try, he might just kill me then and there when he finds out"

"No mate, I'm gunna explain it properly and make sure he's alright...well not alright but...he'll be calm..."

Aaron nodded.

"You wanna go to the pub?" Adam asked.

"No mate, can you erm...just make sure I get back alright..." Aaron asked.

Adam nodded. "Course I will, come on then"

After Adam had settled Aaron back onto his bed, he'd left and Jackson was walking up the stepping stones to smithy. "Jackson, can I have a word?"

"Why what's happened? Is he alright?" Jackson instantly panicked.

"I'll tell you let's just go sit down somewhere...the cricket pavilion...its quiet there..."

"You're worrying me now mate..."

Adam just gave him a look as if saying. *You will be...* and off they went.

"So...?" Jackson asked in the silence.

"J-Just gimme a sec, this is hard enough as it is mate..." Adam explained.

"Come on Adam it can't be that bad!"

"Oh you reckon? Last night my best mate poured out his deepest thoughts to me...he was a mess and he asked me something..." Adam explained as he paced in front of Jackson as he was sat on the steps.

Jackson frowned. "What Adam?"

Adam closed his eyes and sighed, he opened them again as he spoke "He wants to die Jackson."

Jackson's heart skipped a beat and not for the reasons it should have. He felt like he'd been hit hard in the chest by a heavy blunt object and the pain hurt so bad it brought the tears to his eyes and he began to shake his head. He snorted a chuckle. "Nah..."

"Jackson, I'm telling you the truth, he can't handle it anymore, he wants to be free, ask him yourself if you don't believe me..."

Jackson just dropped his head into his hands and cried. Adam rushed to him and sat down beside him and placed his arm around him. "I know it's hard, it's difficult to imagine him not being here...that's why you have to listen to me alright..." Adam took a breath. "I managed to get him to agree to let us show him that life is worth living"

"B-B-But" he stuttered. "If he loves me that should be enough...I'm trying my best Adam, I really am..." Jackson sobbed and dropped his head on Adam's shoulder.

"I know you are but this has gone way beyond love, he knows everyone loves him and he loves us but...it's just beyond that now and I guess I can understand...but we have to try Jackson"

Jackson nodded and lifted himself up. "Yeah..." he sniffed and wiped his eyes. "We have to"

Adam partly smiled. "Good, now promise me you won't go mad with him?"

Jackson nodded. "I won't"

"Good, go on...he needs you, forget what happened yesterday...be there with him..."

Jackson nodded and stood up then frowned. "You not coming?" he asked.

Adam shook his head. "Nah I need a minute..." he told him.

Jackson knew the moment he was gone Adam would break down but he was going to give him that time. "I'm scared Adam" he admitted.

"Me too" Adam agreed.

Jackson turned away sadly and made his way back to the village.

TBC...


	18. Mamma Knows Best

"Mamma Knows Best"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on _**TWO WEEKS**_after _Let Me Try_

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters

*Before I start writing this chapter I just wanted to thank all of you who have reviewed and are enjoying reading this ongoing story, things are gunna start picking up now I promise you...but I'm not giving anything away ;-) But again thankyou and continue reading – makes me wanna keep doing it *

It had been two weeks since Aaron's revelation to Adam and Jackson; those weeks were pure hell for them. Both boys hadn't slept much and it showed it really did. And without saying it Jackson and Adam knew they hadn't managed to change his mind, they'd taken him on days out, to see things he was interested in, even a concert, but still, there was no change.

It was a bright sunny day, but a little cold, the window was open in Aaron's room to allow the cool air in and Jackson was sat in a chair, with his leg crossed over the other, reading a magazine, well that's what Adam and Aaron thought when they saw him but in fact he was just reading the same line over and over again unable to concentrate properly. Adam was across the room watching TV with Aaron and the program finished moments later.

Adam yawned and stretched back against the chair. "Ahh life is good" he smiled.

Aaron tutted and raised an eyebrow. "Well then you're in a parallel universe mate cause yours isn't the same as I'm experiencing"

Jackson looked up from the magazine slightly and frowned, then went back to it.

"Yeah that's obvious mate and we're trying so hard!" Adam reminded.

Aaron nodded.

Chas was upstairs clearing away the boys' plates after a late breakfast and she'd just finished and walked to make her way back downstairs.

Aaron looked to Jackson. "Cheer up mate"

Jackson looked up at him, uncrossed his legs and rested his arms on them, trying to calm himself after Aaron spoke those words but it wasn't working as he leaned his head out as far as he could go. "How the hell can I when you're thinking of killing yourself Aaron? Do you really think that I'm just going to act normal after hearing my boyfriend, yes that's what you are, wants to die!" Jackson raised his voice, little did they all know Chas was on the stairs and had stopped mid-way after hearing that from Jackson.

Chas instantly froze, and then she began to shake, as a lump formed in her throat. Did she hear right? Or did she just imagine it? She felt instantly sick.

"I can't pretend anymore" Jackson continued.

"Will you be quiet?" Aaron hushed him angrily.

"No, I fucking won't, I think it's about time everyone knew what you were thinking because I'm at my wits end here, so is he...Do you not even care what you're doing to us?"

Aaron sighed and rested his head back as his mother came back into the room smiling. "Alright boys?" she asked. "Make yourselves scarce will ya? I need to talk to my son..." she said nicely then mother and son locked a cold stare onto one another. "In private"

"Yeah sure" Adam smiled and got up. "See ya in a bit mate"

Jackson left with Adam without saying a word.

Chas waited until the door was shut then she sat on the bed. "So..." her voice was shaky, her composure was slipping again after only managing to regain it for those few seconds.

"So?" Aaron asked.

"I heard every word that Jackson just said Aaron..."

Aaron frowned. "What?" his expression turned serious as he realised she'd heard. "He was messing..."

Chas shook her head quickly. "Oh no, Jackson wouldn't joke about you wanting to die, it's the last thing he'd do..."

Aaron lowered his head and turned it away.

Chas instantly placed her hand on one side of his face and swiftly turned it back to face her, but he turned it away again quickly, but her hand was still in place he had to fight it a little to turn. But he did, and then she leaned forward and placed two hands on his cheeks. She wanted to see his eyes – the look in them, that would tell her all.

He'd put up such a fight that it took several seconds to turn his head round to her and when she had, her son fell to pieces before her eyes and he nodded as he sobbed his heart out.

Chas' lips quivered. "N-N-No Aaron...No..." she wept and she moved closer to her son and held him. "No, you're my baby" she cried.

"Help me mum..." he sobbed hard, his words broken as he couldn't catch his breath.

Chas shut her eyes tight as she held him and the tears fell some more. "There's a chance Aaron that it could work itself out you know, you have to stop thinking the way that you are" she opened her eyes and pulled back and looked at her son, her only child; and no matter what the pairs history had been prior to all of this there was no doubt that Chas Dingle loved her son with all her heart, and she always would no matter what happened.

Aaron looked up with red tear soaked eyes. "I do my physio, I go out...I do-..." he sighed. "I observe things I like and used to do and want to do, Jackson and Adam have been great they have but there's just this feeling deep inside and it hurts, it's like an aching to be set free and the only way I can do that is to die, the doctors said 'a very slim chance'" he quoted.

Chas had her head in her hands and she wiped her tears away, she sighed heavily and looked at him again. "That doesn't mean there couldn't be...but that doesn't matter Aaron because the simple fact of the matter is I can't let you go, I love you so much, so you're going to listen to me right now..."

Aaron looked at her and nodded.

"We're going to get through this, me you, Jackson and Adam, we're going to get through it no matter how hard or pointless it seems...we will...and you have to be strong because you are the strongest person I know...I' am so proud of you..." she breathed and closed her eyes as more tears came.

"There's nothing to be proud of" Aaron said quietly.

"Oh but there is..." Chas smiled. "You know...I know I messed up with you son but I never stopped knowing that you are the best thing to come into my life...yeah you're god damn annoying at times, stubborn, nasty, but there's another side to you, loving, funny, caring and not many people get to see that, but those boys have and they love you, and want to help so please just try some more, harder this time cause life is worth living, I'm going to help them show you that it is"

Aaron nodded. "Okay..."

Chas smiled and nodded. "But you have to do one more thing for me?"

"What?"

"Just love Jackson will ya? You've been so horrible to him"

"I have..." he frowned. "Haven't I?"

Chas nodded.

"I'll do my best" he flashed a sideways smile.

Chas nodded. "I'm going to give Paddy a shout then I need to find the boys...we're going out tonight" she grinned and slapped her hands down on her legs. "No idea what to wear or where we're going but it'll be fun whatever..."

Aaron nodded. "Go on then..."

Chas smiled and stood up and walked out to the surgery to ask Paddy to keep an eye on him.

TBC...


	19. Fading

"Fading"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on _**a few hours later**_after _Mamma Knows Best_

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters

"Right you boys ready?" Chas called as she walked as quickly as possible down the stairs in her high heels, all dressed up.

Aaron smiled. She looked beautiful but would he hell tell her that and he looked at Adam who seemed to be staring somewhat. Aaron faked a cough. "Don't even dare you" he warned playfully.

"Dare what?" Chas asked as she turned around from one final check in the mirror.

"Nothing" Adam quickly replied and eyed Aaron with a frown.

Chas mumbled. "Alright then... Where's Jackson?"

"He's already in the pub..."

"Ahh well don't blame him, let's go then" she ordered.

The pub was packed as they entered. Aaron stopped himself in the doorway and sighed. "Nah mum...let's just go yeah its too busy, they don't want this thing cluttering up the place"

Chas frowned and leaned down to him. "Tough" she flashed a sarcastic smile and stood straight again. "Excuse me! Coming through!"

The villagers turned when Chas shouted her and Aaron's way to a free table. Jackson turned he was already quite drunk, he didn't move from his stool at the bar. Adam sat beside Aaron and Chas planned to sit on the other side of him. She saw Jackson just sitting at the bar drowning his sorrows, she marched up to the bar to get the drinks and stopped beside him. "And what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Getting absolutely paralytic"

"And that's funny is it?" Chas hissed.

"I don't find it funny in the slightest" he said as he placed his glass on the bar after finishing his pint.

Chas grabbed his arm. "Outside. Now!" she warned quietly.

Jackson lowered himself off the stool a little unsteadily but he managed and he walked past his man and Adam followed by Chas. "Sorry boys, grab yourselves a drink I'll be back in a bit"

"What's going on there?" Adam wondered.

"Beats me...feels like I don't know him anymore..."

"Yeah well ditto" that's all Adam said in reply then he got up and went to the bar.

"What are you playing at?" Chas let rip as soon as they were both outside. "I mean yeah this is hard Jackson but what kind of impression are you trying to give him eh? Not a damn good one I know that, it's like you don't care!"

"You're wrong Chas!" Jackson shouted back. "I'm doing an impression of someone who doesn't know what the hell to do!" He screamed in her face, the pain and anguish oh so clear on his face.

"You and me both kidda" she pulled him in fast and held him tight. "You and me both...clear your head yeah? Come on, be strong for him" she pushed him away gently and looked him in the eye.

"I'm trying Chas, I am but he wants to die for Christ sake! I couldn't imagine life with him gone, none of us can and that pain is here already because he is gone...he's set on his decision Chas, I can tell and nothing we do or say is going to change his mind"

"But he's agreed to try let's just see where this takes us..." Chas told him but then frowned when she heard a bit of commotion in the pub.

**A FEW MINUTES EARLIER**

Aaron and Adam were chatting and Adam held his drink up for him whenever he needed it but apart from that it was like old times and they were really having a laugh, and that was the last thing Adam was expecting from tonight.

A few tables away Carl King was saying his goodnights to friends and family who were going to remain in the pub, as he was speaking he was stepping back and as he'd finished speaking he turned and knocked into Aaron's chair and lost his balance and almost fell onto him.

"Whoa watch it!" Aaron yelled.

Carl stood straight again. "What a surprise...you always were a good for nothing idiot...and now...you prove me right...shouldn't be in the way then should ya..." Carl looked up again and stepped to the door, when he opened it Chas was stood right in front of him with a face like thunder and without warning, she raised her hand and whacked him hard across his face with the palm of her hand. "Don't you dare! Speak to my son like that! He has every right to be in this pub whether you like it or not!" she spat angrily.

"Mum, its fine..." Aaron told her.

"No, it's flipping not; you should be treated with more respect"

"Mum..." he calmed her, or tried too.

"Move out of my way" she said to Carl and he smirked and stepped aside to allow her and Jackson back inside.

As Chas and Jackson sat with them Aaron began to feel a little strange. "I need to go home...I don't feel well..."

The three of them frowned in worry. "Aaron...don't let him get to you..." Jackson told him with a smile.

"No...No I'm not...I feel dizzy...and...I just wanna go..."

"Okay handsome...it's alright..." Jackson soothed. "Will you two just stay here a while...I'll take him..." he told them as he stood and grabbed his jacket.

Chas gave him a wink and a quick nod. Jackson smiled.

"Come on then you...let's get you in bed...and maybe those two will bring back some food"

"We will" Adam sighed as he settled back into the chair.

When Aaron and Jackson left, Chas and Adam were sat in a deflated, depressed silence. "Great idea mum...yeah lets all go out..."

"Don't be like that Chas it was nice to get out and I saw a glimpse of the old Aaron..." Adam explained with a smile.

"Yeah...he was smiling, laughing and joking around until he knocked into him..."

"I had a thought earlier...but I wasn't sure..."

"Go on?" Adam was interested.

"I was thinking maybe we could go away...and you too if you wanted...maybe somewhere by the sea, up in Northumberland...it's nice up there apparently..."

"That's a great idea...I'll sort it...leave it with me..."

Chas frowned. "You sure?"

"Yeah" Adam nodded. "I'll do anything Chas..."

Back at Smithy, Jackson had given Aaron some tablets, changed his bag and got him settled in his bed. Aaron stayed quiet most of the way back, but Jackson did receive a grateful smile as he'd lifted him onto the bed.

"How you feeling?" Jackson asked.

Aaron nodded. "Better...I don't know what happened...I just suddenly felt sick and dizzy..."

"You're in safe hands now" Jackson smiled as he sat on the bed next to him.

"I know I 'am..." Aaron smiled. "Listen...I want you to know that I'm sorry...I'm sorry for the way I'm feeling...Sorry for wanting what I want at the minute, it's horrible for you lot I see it in your eyes every day and I'm sorry for that and I know your trying Jackson, but this hole I'm in..." he shrugged. "Ahh I don't need to go into all that again"

"I know you're sorry, and I can understand why you feel the way you do...it's just something I can't accept that's all"

"I know" Aaron nodded.

"You know a while ago, the day you fell..."

Aaron nodded.

"And you said, very calmly and sure of yourself that you didn't love me...you've never even said that you do..."

Aaron thought, and Jackson could see the cogs working overtime and he smirked. Aaron took in a breath and looked Jackson in the eyes. "But I do love you Jackson...you told me I'd realise it one day...and I did...after the accident...you were there...you're always there for me..." while he spoke Jackson just cried silently, in complete shock. "You're always here, your smell...I remember your touch...those lips...you've been amazing and I love every bit of you I'm just so sorry that I never realised it in time...I might still be in one piece if I had"

"Nobody knows how their lives are gunna turn out or how their actions will affect things..."

"I know..." Aaron trailed off.

There was silence for a few seconds. "You're just going along with all of us aren't you? Your mum especially..."

"To give her and you and Adam a sense of hope yeah...I'm telling you Jackson because you need to know...your plans aren't going to work...I just wanna die now...I can't take it...as you know...but I'll love you forever...and I'll come back if I can..."

"I love you so much but you're breaking me here..." Jackson sobbed.

"I don't mean too Jackson..." Aaron was very content and calm and that's what upset Jackson the most. "I don't want to mess you all around what with you lot arranging things...it's a waste of time and I need to tell them that...it's only right"

Jackson nodded as he wiped his eyes.

"Don't cry Jackson"

"How can I not?" he dropped his head in his hands. "You're my world Aaron Livesy...everything and I need you"

"I'm not doubting that Jackson but I need you to move on with your life and find someone else who will love you as much as I do, or more if that's possible...I know you wouldn't think it but the feelings I have for you are unexplainable..."

Jackson looked at him and smiled.

"Come here" Aaron told him and he moved closer to him and Aaron kissed his lips as he began to cry too.

"Not yet though Aaron...please?"

Aaron shook his head. "No...Not yet...I need to tell those two and then say some goodbyes...This wasn't your fault Jackson..."

"It doesn't stop me blaming myself every single day" he admitted as he sat back

"But I don't blame you...isn't that what's important?" he asked.

"I can't help you Aaron but I'll be there when you decide when it's time..."

Aaron frowned. "Really?"

Jackson sobbed and caught his breath. "Yeah..."

Aaron cried harder and lowered his head. "Thankyou" he said as the door opened and the smell of pizza wafted inside the room.

Adam and Chas suddenly stopped; the atmosphere in the room was overwhelming. "What's wrong?" Chas asked.

Jackson looked at Aaron who nodded his approval and then Jackson wiped his eyes and cleared his throat. "You both need to sit down..."

TBC...


	20. Accepting Fate

"Accepting Fate"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on _**the next morning **_after _Fading_

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters

Just a short one, before it all starts again, I hope you lot are enjoying it, thankyou for the reviews, they mean a lot! I know its sad and depressing and may sometimes seem quite repetitive maybe but I'm just trying to get across the rawness of the situation and the desperation Aaron is in. But yeah anyway I'm on a roll as a lot of you have noticed so enjoy! :) D x

* * *

><p>Chas was distraught, looking worn and exhausted as she made her son some breakfast, she stood by the bench waiting for the bread to toast, staring into space. She jumped when Paddy's voice filled the room, she had no idea he was right beside her. "Jesus Paddy..."<p>

"Sorry...are you okay?" he asked.

"Erm yeah, yeah I'm fine, just a bit tired you know he's hard work..."

"About that...I'm sorry I haven't pulled my weight...the surgeries been so busy lately"

Chas nodded. "I know but Jacksons been great and Adams around too" she smiled quickly.

Paddy nodded. "I'll try and get off early, sit with him for a bit..."

"You know what Paddy...you'd be wasting your time..." she didn't know fully whether that would be true or not; the simple fact was she didn't want anyone else around him after last night's 'showdown' she had with her son.

It had been awful, she knew as soon as she stepped in the door something was wrong, and it was; her son told them that it was pointless for them to organise things to help him because it wouldn't change matters. Chas didn't want anyone else knowing about this and she made it clear to all three boys last night. And now she was facing burying her only child sometime in the probably near future.

"...He's not talking...or anything..." she continued.

Paddy chuckled. "I'm used to that you know..."

Chas smiled. "Alright...Alright..." she agreed and turned and took Aaron's toast from the toaster and buttered it and put some marmalade on it.

Paddy couldn't help but smile. "Nicking my marmalade again I see!" he joked.

"Some things just never change eh?" she said with teary eyes as she cut the toast up, thankful Paddy couldn't see.

Paddy nodded. "I'll get to work then, see you later Chas..."

"Yeah, see ya"

Paddy walked down the stairs and left for the surgery.

That was when Chas' crying intensified. She dropped the knife and held onto the bench for support. She couldn't handle this, it hurt too much...she loved Aaron and she didn't know how she'd cope after he'd gone. In those thoughts as she stood crying her eyes out she realised what she'd just thought, or more of an admission...'how she'd cope after he'd gone' She had pretty much agreed to help in, in the whirlwind thoughts of her mind.

Chas composed herself moments later and set about downstairs with Aaron's breakfast. No words were exchanged as she sat down beside him. "Here love, get this down ya..." she told him as she picked up a piece of toast for him.

Aaron turned to face her and took a bite from the toast. "Thanks" he said as he chewed.

Chas smiled a little. "Listen son...me and Adam were talking and despite the circumstances...we're all going to go away...we were going for Northumberland but we changed our minds, we thought the lakes might be peaceful, enjoyable..." she told him.

"Not enough to change my mind though" he told her.

"I know that...But if you're really planning to do this then can me and you have a nice time together with the boys?"

Aaron frowned. "You what?"

"What?" Chas was confused.

"You're going to let me...?"

Chas lowered her head. "I could stop you I know that but that would only increase the mental pain you're in...and you would hate me for keeping you alive...so..." she nodded. "If it's what you want then you have my support..."

Aaron began to cry, it was like a giant weight had been lifted from him to have the support of his mum. "Thankyou"

Chas reached out and placed her hand on his cheek. "By no means am I happy about this though...but I love you so much, I just want to help you be happy and this world...isn't it..." she sighed and looked around, her lips shaky. "It never has been really..." she too had tears rolling down her cheeks.

"It's had its moments" Aaron smiled at his mum.

Chas couldn't help but let out a laugh as she cried. "Yeah..." she sniffled, happy to know that Aaron retained those happy memories somewhere in that brain of his.

"To answer your question, yeah...let's have one final nice time...all of us together...can you do me a favour though?"

"Of course love..." she composed herself.

"I need a camcorder..."

"Once Jackson gets back I'll nip into town..." she told him.

Aaron nodded. "You've got my card yeah?"

Chas nodded.

"Good" he smiled. "More toast please?" he flashed a cheeky smile.

Chas smirked and continued feeding him his breakfast, while sending a text to the boys.

"Who you texting?" Aaron asked curiously.

"Just the lads telling them that we leave tomorrow" she smiled.

The text read:

_Get packed boys we're going away, we leave tomorrow...I know we've agreed to help...to be there...but we have one final chance...so we have to do what we can this time...See you later – Chas x_

TBC...


	21. Tensions Rising

"Tensions Rising"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on _**the next day **_after _Accepting Fate_

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters

Nearly there...

All four of them looked on in awe at their lodge in White Cross Bay, it was sunny for this early in the year. "How the hell did you lot afford this?" Aaron asked.

"We just did!" Adam grinned. "Anyway, I've got dibs on the biggest room!" he smiled widely and ran up the ramp and onto the decking of the lodge and tried to open the door. He sighed.

"Yeah love..." Chas smiled sarcastically. "I've got the key"

Aaron chuckled and shook his head. "Looks like I have the biggest room then mate!"

"Oh alright then" he smirked. "I was obviously gunna give it you anyway"

"Yep I know you were..." Chas replied as she stood behind the chair as Aaron made his way up the slope, she was always terrified it would tip back.

"You alright love?" Chas asked once Aaron was on the flat and she let him roam, with Aaron after giving him the key.

Jackson was silent most of the journey, always looked deep in thought, she didn't blame him though, he was probably savouring the memories, and she knew that because she was too. He nodded. "Yeah...he looks happy almost..." he smiled as he watched on.

Chas smiled. "I'll never forget that smile..."

"Me either..." Jackson rummaged into his pocket and pulled out a small box. "I-I've had this a while..."

Jackson's voice caught Chas' attention again and she looked at him then down at the box he was holding and she had tears immediately. "Oh Jackson..."

Jackson smiled fondly down at the box. "I think I'm going to ask him, not because of the situation...but because I love him and I want to...I dunno..." he sighed. "If and when he does want to go...then I can say he was mine..."

"He will always be yours whether you ask or not" she replied with a smile.

"Are you two coming or what?" Aaron yelled. "You have to take a look at this! It's huge!" Aaron enthused.

Chas smiled. "Come on...Yes love we're coming!"

After they had all settled in and Aaron had positioned himself in between two sofas, in the open plan living room and kitchen, it had large windows from the floor to the ceiling on the far side overlooking the lake. "I booked us a table for tonight, a nice restaurant apparently...nearby" Chas told them all.

"Looking forward to it" Adam smiled.

"Uhh..." Jackson looked around at Aaron. "Wanna go for a sight see?" he asked.

Aaron nodded. "Sure" he moved himself backwards and made way for the door that Jackson had held open for him. "Thankyou" he winked as he moved outside.

Chas gave Jackson a wink. "Good luck"

Jackson bowed his head slightly and left closing the door behind him.

Adam frowned. "Am I missing something?" he asked.

"Jackson's got something to ask him" she said with a smile.

"Ahh right" he replied, thinking nothing of it then he stood up. "I'm gunna go get showered and ready for later before they come back" he smiled.

"No worries" Chas replied as she walked to the fridge and took a Bacardi breezer, popped the lid off and stuck a straw in it and sat reading her magazine while occasionally admiring the view from the large windows.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" Jackson asked as he referred to the orange-pink sunset over the lake.

Aaron breathed in the cool air and nodded. "Yeah...it is" he smiled slightly.

Jackson walked in front of him. "I'm sorry I've been so quiet handsome"

Aaron shook it off. "It's alright, it's understandable..."

Jackson leaned down on one knee. He'd done that a lot so Aaron didn't think anything of it and he looked on at the view, while Jackson took out the box. He saw something out of the corner of his eye and he looked down at the open box, with a plain gold wedding band in the middle of it.

Aaron was taken aback and he flashed a smile then frowned at Jackson. "Jackson?" he asked, his voice choked.

Jackson smiled. "I'm not doing this because of our current situation, or to change your mind... I'm doing this because I love you so much...so...Aaron Livesy..." Jackson began to feel the lump in his throat restricting his speech. "Will you marry me?" he asked.

Tears fell from Aaron's eyes. "I'm not going to be around much longer..."

Jackson nodded as he cleared his throat. "I know...I just want to be yours forever"

"You always will be silly but I don't want to give you false hope because it won't happen" Aaron told him.

Jackson lowered his head. "I know Aaron, and I know it's just a piece of paper but..." he sighed and fell silent and then he let out a chuckle as he remembered. "Just say yes..." he asked and looked up at his boyfriend again.

Aaron smirked. "That song was playing before we made love for the first time in Paddy's, I was so nervous before we kissed, I was shaking like a leaf in fact and I can imagine I would be now...I will marry you Jackson Walsh...of course I will"

Jackson's teary eyes sparkled as he smiled and he leaned up and kissed Aaron passionately before he placed the ring on his finger. "I'll always love you Aaron..."

Aaron smiled. "And I'll love you and I'll wait for you..."

Jackson fell sad. "Let's get back eh? Get you bathed and ready for tonight..."

"Sounds like a plan Mr Livesy" Aaron commented.

"You know I like the sound of that"

"So you should" Aaron chuckled as they made their way back.

Several hours later they all arrived back stuffed from their meal and of course with additional celebrations to add to the mix they were all a little tired as they relaxed on the sofa and Aaron stopped himself into what seemed his usual position in between both sofas.

"I've had a good day" Aaron admitted. "Probably the best ever..." he smiled at his drunken fiancé.

"I'm so happy for you love..." Chas told him.

But Aaron continued. "Which is why this makes it harder because the subject isn't one any of you will like...I've been thinking about how to do it..."

They all sighed.

"No...Please just listen it is important...we have to be organised!"

Jackson became agitated, the amounts of alcohol he had consumed while celebrating was escalating his agitation.

"I want it to be peaceful..." he went on. "The only option I could think of was drugs..."

"Drugs?" Adam asked. "How do we get hold of lethal drugs that will kill you?" he snapped.

Aaron scrunched his face. "Just get loads, mix them up...add water...there we go..."

"And it's that simple is it?" Chas snapped.

"No of course not, mum please!" he begged.

Jackson let out a huge sigh and he jumped up from the sofa and quickly moved to Aaron, unclipped his safety straps and lifted him up. "There we go eh? Just like that? How can you even be thinking about this right now, me and you just got engaged, you've just pretending to want to while deep inside all you've thought about all day is how to do it!" Jackson screamed in his face as he held his limp body up.

Chas was already trying to pull him back and so was Adam but Jackson's stance was firm and strong, now Chas tried to get in the middle.

"You wanna die yeah! Let's go then...strap you in your chair, take you down the boardwalk and push you off I'm pretty sure the chair will weigh you down till you get what you want!"

Aaron moved his head to the side, flippantly. "Go on then"

"Don't tempt me!" he screamed again. "Or will a pillow do? Because right now Aaron I swear to god I will do that myself!" he screamed in rage.

"Get off him!" Chas let out a long drawn out scream as she managed to push Jackson off him and he fell onto the sofa as she held her baby in her arms and kissed his head numerous times. "It's alright Aaron...it's alright..." she whispered. He was now numb and was staring at the carpet as Chas placed him back in his chair.

"And you!" Jackson pointed at Adam. "This could have all been stopped if you'd told me sooner!" he stood, his fists clenched tightly as his knuckles were white.

"I told you the next day Jackson!" Adam defended himself. "How was one day going to make a difference! Oh you gunna hit me...?" Adam stepped forward his arms held outwards as he did. "Go on then, you can try it mate but it won't make you feel any better! We're all in the same boat...Aaron wants to die, and there's nothing any of us can do...visits here and there, nights out...how will it change his mind eh?" Adam turned to Chas. "I mean let's face it... It hasn't and it won't because inside he'll always feel the pain he's in...And I'm his best mate and I'm going to help him whether or not either of you two like it or not!" Adam yelled and then began to cry as he stepped back away from Jackson.

Jackson broke down too and tears silently ran down both mother and son' faces. "I said I'd help and I'm sticking to my decision" Chas reconfirmed it.

"I can't handle this..." Jackson sobbed and he got up and ran out. Anywhere, he didn't care he just could not be in that lodge.

"Jackson!" Chas shouted after him to no avail.

"I'm so sorry..." Aaron sobbed and rested his head on his mothers shoulder.

"Shh...relax son...we know.."

"I'll go and find him...It doesn't have to be this way" Adam told them and left the lodge in search for Jackson.

Adam found him a while later perched on a rock close to the water. He approached slowly, but his footsteps were heard on the pebbled shore. "I've been looking everywhere mate...look I'm sorry for going off like that, I was out of order"

Jackson shook his head. "No you weren't Adam and you don't have anything to be sorry for, I was the one out of order, I can't believe I did that..." he covered his mouth with his hands. "I've gone and done it now haven't I? He's not gunna wanna see me again..."

"Ahh don't think like that...come on its freezing out here...let's go back and we'll find out...me and you together..."

Jackson stood up, turned around and nodded at Adam and they walked back together.

"How you doing now?" Chas asked.

Aaron curled his lips and shook his head. "I love you all...Paddy...he won't be happy with any of you..."

"When we tell him, you're right he won't be but he will in time when he realises...we can't tell him until after we've helped you...we can't risk too many people knowing" she told her son.

"I know...but...when we get home...that's when it'll be happening..."

"What about your engagement...?" Chas frowned, forcing herself to keep her tears at bay.

"Like he said...it's just a piece of paper...but I do love him don't get me wrong...it's just...it's time now and I'm sorry mum I really am...but I'll always be around" he smiled.

"You better be..." she chuckled as she sniffled then kissed his forehead.

TBC...


	22. Time Has Come Part One

"Time Has Come Part One"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on _**4 days **_after _Tensions Rising_

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters

The holiday was cut shorter than what was planned; they weren't really in the spirit of having a good time anymore. This was it; it was real and happening and all three, Chas, Jackson & Adam knew that as soon as they were back they were only waiting on his say so. That day the boys had to work and Chas went into town to meet a dodgy dealer that Aaron knew from his past, which seemed like a life time ago to him. As Chas exchanged the money for the drugs she was numb and cold; she'd never thought this was how the New Year was going to be like when it set in.

Aaron lay in his bed, sat up with the camcorder rolling at the side of him. He was almost finished his first recording. "...This is all my doing" he continued. "I'm making that clear now...They have all only acted on what I cannot do, no one is forcing me to do this, I' am completely aware of what is happening and what I want, so whoever gets this...police...jury...judge...I dunno ...just don't blame them, they're doing it because I've asked them too and out of love they agreed and I couldn't be more grateful - stop" he spoke clearly and calmly as the red light at the top off the camera turned off signalling the recording had stopped.

Aaron took a breath and lowered his head to compose himself before raising it again and carrying on. "Start recording..." the red light came back on. "This one's for Adam..." he smiled. "To my best mate in the whole world...well what can I say really..." he smirked. "You're the best, you've always been there and I'm so grateful for you for sticking by me through everything, yeah we had our ups and downs but we made it and I know all of this has been hard on you but you have to remember that this is what I wanted, I love you mate and thankyou..." Aaron began to have tears heavy in his eyes. "Thankyou for being you and understanding through everything... the attempted kiss...for one..." he smiled slightly in remembrance. " But the one thing I wanted to thank you for above all else...well two things, one...for helping Jackson get the job in the village and two for saving me from myself when I tried to top myself in the garage, I'm just so sorry you couldn't save me from this, and it's not yours or anyone's fault so now that I'm gone you have to move on with your life as best as you can" Aaron smiled. "And just remember me from time to time...just remember me" Aaron was serious as the tears streamed down his face. "That's all I ask...I love you mate...oh and keep your hands off my mother...I know you have a soft spot for her" he smirked and winked then breathed unsteadily. "Stop"

Paddy walked in a few minutes later and after seeing Aaron's red eyes that only indicated one thing, he asked what the matter was. "Nothing, just this camera, makes me talk you know..." he smiled.

Paddy smiled. "It's must be a help though, I mean letting some feelings out that you can't sometimes with us"

Aaron nodded. "You all packed for your business trip?"

"Yeah all done, leave tonight" he smiled. "Speaking of which, how about me and you go to the pub?" he wondered.

"Sure but you'll have to-" he stopped when Paddy interjected.

"I know, don't worry" he smiled and brought Aaron's chair closer to the bed and proceeded to lift him off and into the chair, then secured him in it safely, then put on his trainers for him.

Aaron looked down fondly at the man he'd come to love as a father. "Thankyou Paddy"

Paddy looked up and smiled. "It's no trouble at all, in fact I should have been doing this from the start"

"You've got your life Paddy I never expected you to drop it for me..."

Paddy smiled "Yeah, but still..." he said and stood up.

Once in the pub they got their drinks, and made their way to a table in the corner. "Here you go" Paddy held up the glass and the put the straw close so Aaron could take a drink.

Aaron nodded in approval. "That's nice" he sighed. "Cheers"

"No problem, so how did the holiday go?"

"Yeah" Aaron nodded again. "It was nice you know, wish you could have been there, I had fun has mum told you yet?"

Paddy grinned. "Oh yes, congratulations you, eh? Aaron Livesy engaged, bloody hell, never saw that one coming"

Aaron chuckled. "No, me either, Jacksons been great though, I love him so much" he told him.

"I know you do mate"

"Listen...Paddy...I just wanted to say thankyou, for altering the house, taking me back after my mum went with Carl - again...and being there for me, helping me after everything I've done to you. Not many lads my age can say they had someone they could look up to like you, if they have somewhere out there or do then they'll be as grateful to theirs as I' am to you right now and always have been"

At that moment Chas walked in with Adam and they clocked him talking to Paddy. Both instantly knew what Aaron was doing. Adam looked at Chas and she nodded. "Afraid so..." she sighed loudly. "Give me a pint and double vodka and coke please Diane..."

"Bit early for that aint it?" she asked with a smile.

"Yeah well I need it after the morning I've had, let's put it that way"

"Shut me up if you want Chas but you're not looking your usual self lately, or you laddie"

Chas nodded. She expected this sooner or later. "We're just tired you know, that son of mine is hard work..." she lied, actually she found out that he wasn't, she just had to lie to cover up the real reason – sleepless nights filled with worry and dread.

"Yeah, he's going through a nightmare phase..." Adam lied too.

"Ahh...right I see...understandable...but they'll pass I'm sure" she said as she placed the drinks on the bar.

"What's brought this on Aaron? Are you sure everything's okay?" Paddy asked, a little concerned by what Aaron just said.

"Yeah..." he smiled. "I'm just having one of those days I think, get emotional over anything in this mood..." he chuckled. "I don't think I've ever said this but I love you...dad" he lowered his head as his lips shook with the emotion.

Paddy put his finger underneath Aaron's chin and lifted his head up. Aaron laughed, a little embarrassed as the tears rolled down his face.

"And I love you, son" he chuckled. "What you like eh? Gunna set me off in a minute..."

"Sorry..."

"No...No, nothing to be sorry about" he said as he ruffled Aaron's very short black hair.

Jackson parked up on the grass outside Smithy and slammed the van door shut and set off up to the fields as he fiddled with his earphone wire. He couldn't face going back in that house yet, he couldn't even face a full day's work so he left early after only half a day. It was clear that Jackson was struggling. As he walked; countless songs played in his ear but one song, beginning with a slow melodic piano tune caught his attention, and he listened carefully as he walked through the field.

_**Watching the clock on the wall...Been a while since you called...I can't help but wait, It's late and I can't get no sleep**_

Jackson wandered aimlessly as he listened.

_**Something's different this time it just doesn't feel right. Have we broken in two? Am I really gonna lose you tonight?**_

That was when the tears started, slowly at first, but enough to impair his sight as he walked.

_**But I know you're leaving ...I know that smile I can tell you've been crying ...You're gonna say goodbye...wish I could stop you but you've made up your mind...I beg you don't go...But I already know you're leaving**_...

With those oh so raw words playing loudly in his ears, he broke down and fell to his knees as it started to pour with rain. He cried so hard, that it hurt him and the song continued...

_**Where does the time go between goodbye and hello? How did we come to this is there something we missed along the way...With your bags at the door I wanna pull you in close and hold you once more even though...**_

Jackson looked up into the stormy black sky; the rain hit his face hard like pellets. He sobbed harder and harder. "Dear god no!" he cried out. "Stop my boy from doing this please! I beg you!" he slammed his hands down on the ground and bent over, his head touching the slowly turning muddy floor, and he cried until he couldn't cry anymore.

It was almost seven pm when Jackson walked in the door of Smithy, soaking wet and dirt stained. "Where the hell have you been?" Aaron raised his voice, his tone clearly panicked when he saw him. "I've been worried sick Jackson!"

Chas and Adam watched on, frowning at Jackson's appearance.

"Well...I went for a walk...a long one, cried my eyes out and sat in the pouring rain in the middle of a field, and yes, Chas my phone was turned off, that is allowed"

Chas knew instantly not to push him. "I know love" she told him calmly. "Aaron was just worried that's all"

"Come on mate" Adam stood up. "I bet your freezing...I'll get you out a towel, go get yourself a shower and warmed up yeah?"

As Adam approached, Jackson backed away and held his hand out.

"Alright...you can do it yourself...shout though if you need anything" Adam told him.

They all watched him go. "Mum how will he cope?" Aaron asked.

"I haven't a clue...none of us will, I don't think you have any idea how much you, Aaron...mean to us"

"I do..."

"Well it doesn't feel like it" Chas said and left it there.

It was almost an hour later, and the three of them had eaten without Jackson, he'd not come down from the shower.

"I'll go...you two watch telly...or something"

Aaron nodded as she went upstairs. "So what you putting on then?"

Chas sighed as she stopped at the bathroom and knocked. "Jackson love, can I have a word?" she asked.

The water stopped running and she heard movement, a few minutes later the door opened, and Jackson was dressed in shorts and a tight fitting white vest top. He was drained, that much she could tell. "Me and you need to have a talk..." He was blank so she spoke to him as if he were a child, she put her arm around him and they sat on the very top step on the stairs.

"I had my iPod in and...and a song came on, it was basically about our situation, leaving...and Aaron's leaving, and it says about wishing they could stop their loved one but they've made their mind up..." Jackson told her.

Chas soothed him as she rubbed her hand up and down his back. "It really got to you..."

"That's an understatement Chas; if anyone were to see me the men in white coats would have been round and put me in a straight jacket..." he sighed. "I was so bad that it got me praying to god...and I'm not even religious...I mean...how far does this have to go?"

"He's not changing his mind..."

"I know, I just keep hoping I'm gunna wake up and find out this has all been a nightmare..." he looked at her sadly.

"We'll get through this together, all of us when Aaron's gone, we'll help each other Jackson..."

Jackson nodded and closed his eyes. "I don't want him to go" he began to cry and Chas pulled him in for a hug.

"Me either love" she cried too.

They sat in their embrace on the top of the stairs for what seemed like hours when Adam bolted to the bottom of the stairs startling them. "You need to come now!" his voice shaky and panicked. "He's ready...t-t-tomorrow morning..." Adam stuttered and broke down then fell to his knees.

Chas and Jackson's eyes widened and they ran down the stairs together. "No... No..." Chas cried and ran into Aaron's room and stopped and saw him crying while Jackson picked Adam up and soothed him.

"Is Adam right?" she swallowed hard.

Aaron nodded. "It's time mum, don't back out on me now..." he struggled. "Please"

TBC...


	23. Time Has Come Part Two

"Time Has Come Part Two"

WRITTEN BY DAYNE DINNING

~This fanfic follows on _**the following morning **_after _Time Has Come Part One_

# Disclaimer – I do not own Emmerdale or any of the characters

Chas and Aaron were alone, and she lay next to him on his bed smiling at him through her sadness. "I remember how small you were when you were born, so so tiny...look at you now eh?"

"Babies have to grow up..." he gave a typical Aaron reply.

"I know but a part of me wishes you hadn't...I'm going to miss you so so much Aaron"

"I remember when I couldn't stand to even look at you but you need to know I just wanted my mum..."

"I'm so sorry love, you deserved so much better" she told him, as her eyes glazed over.

Aaron shook his head and gave a cheeky look. "Nah...You are a brilliant mother, we got through it all, the only thing I'd change is that you never left, but don't keep that thought in your head..." he shook his. "It doesn't matter now..." he smiled.

Chas wiped away her tears and smiled.

"I love you too" Aaron told her

The tears started again and she placed her hand on his cheek and kissed his forehead.

Jackson walked quickly up and back into the village, he left the bed he shared with Aaron early, he needed the walk. Once back in Emmerdale he was focussed on Smithy but his mother shouted, her worried expression he could not see. "Jackson!"Hazel shouted but received no reply. "Are you okay? Look I haven't seen you properly in ages, come round will ya sometime?" Still she had no answer from her beloved son. She was clueless to his sadness and the horrors of what was going to happen in Smithy Cottage.

Jackson walked in the door to Smithy, all was silent, Adam and Chas were sat quietly, and they'd obviously been waiting for him. "You okay Jackson?" Aaron asked as Jackson sat on the edge of the bed and placed his hand on Aaron's face.

"I love you so much"

"I know you do...and I'm so sorry" he apologised.

Jackson nodded. "I know" he smiled at the man he loved.

"I've already told mum and Adam...but when it's done, you call the police, give them the camcorder...and stay calm..."

Jackson had a small smile, hiding how scared he was. "I'll try..."

Aaron nodded. "I'm ready Jackson..." he said softly.

Jackson lowered his head and nodded.

"Mum..."

Chas cleared her throat and stood slowly. She could barely manage to walk to the unit where the deadly drink had been placed after Chas had made it.

Aaron looked over to Adam and they simply shared a look and a smile that Adam would never forget. "Love ya mate" Aaron told him, sincerely and from the heart.

His words were caught in his throat as he tried to reply so he tried again. "Yeah..." he smiled. "Love you too Aaron, take care of yourself up there right?"

Aaron smiled and nodded, the tears streaming down his face.

Chas stepped over to the bed, closer and closer with each step, but one look at her son lying there made her stop. She breathed in harshly and she looked petrified and began shaking her head. "I can't I can't!" she cried. "I don't want you to goo" she sobbed.

"Mum, please..." Aaron lifted his head up from the pillow and began banging it against it in frustration. "You have no idea how grateful I 'am..."

"I can't son...I just can't..."

Adam stood from his chair and moved to the bed but stopped when Jackson turned around to Chas. "Give it to me..."

Chas was crying so hard she simply nodded and with extremely shaky hands she passed the drink to Jackson.

He turned to face Aaron. Aaron looked up in shock; Jackson said he'd only ever be there when it came down to it. "I'll never forget you, you'll always be here" he tapped his chest with his fingers.

"Y-Y-You changed my life Jackson, thankyou so much, I'm so glad I met you"

Jackson nodded as he sobbed and he leaned into Aaron and kissed him on his lips, passionately one last time. "My man...no regrets" he whispered with a smile before he kissed him on the cheek then sat back straight and held the drink with both hands to stop it spilling everywhere, he put the straw to Aaron's mouth...

/

Jackson and Chas lay on either side of him, comforting as he fell asleep soundly, although they knew it was something far from sleep. Adam was sat with them on the bed watching his friend fading. He was at peace now. And they all cried together. Jackson began to move, his skin clammy and pale. He leaned over Aaron's lifeless body and kissed his lips again. "I'll never ever forget you, handsome" he whispered in his ear.

With that Jackson ran out of the house, with the slam of the door, Jackson bolted upright, nurses and doctors walking by, hospital sounds all around. Chas and Adam were sat next to him. "You okay love?"

"Why are we here Chas?" Jackson was confused as he wiped his eyes and sat up.

"You don't remember? Go on Adam, tell him..." she looked to Adam.

Adam nodded. "You said your goodbyes with Aaron then you placed the straw at his lips..." he whispered.

"Yeah...?" Jackson replied...

/

Jackson held the drink with both hands to stop it spilling everywhere; he put the straw to Aaron's mouth.

Just before Aaron took a drink of that deadly concoction, Adam saw Aaron's fingers twitch quickly, but Aaron hadn't noticed it probably due to what was going on.

Adam leapt forward onto the bed and pushed the drink away from Jackson's hands harshly. "What the hell Adam!" Jackson screamed.

"H-H-H-His fingers twitched, Aaron...you moved!" Adam was ecstatic.

"How could you do that?" Aaron spat. "I was nearly there..." he cried. "I was nearly there..."

"No please...you have to believe me, why would I lie? I saw it for myself...your fingers moved Aaron...Chas please..." he turned to her.

Chas forced herself out of her saddened state and stepped forward and hurried to the phone. "Before I do this you have to be sure. Did you see his fingers move I mean it? Because if you didn't that's a mean trick to play and I will kill you!" She warned aggressively.

Adam's shoulders slumped. "Come on Chas, its Adam you've known me for ages, I wouldn't do that to Aaron..."

Chas looked him up and down, and she was sure he was telling the truth and set about calling the hospital.

Aaron frowned, looking at the split poison all over the far wall. He looked back at Jackson, confused. "Am I hearing right?"

Jackson just smiled.

/

"Am I hearing right?" Jackson asked Adam.

"Why would we be here then Jackson?" he smiled, unable to contain his happiness.

As Chas smiled, Aaron was wheeled on a bed passed them down the long corridor, through two double doors.

The End

* * *

><p>Thankyou guys so much for reading this Reversal series of fics, No I know the ending didn't quite fit the name but hey...I doubt you'll be complaining ;) at least I hope not...I'll be back with a follow up set soon!<p> 


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